A-N-X-I-E-T-Y

In case you have not heard, we are moving. Across the world. Again.

But you say, "Brandi, there is no need to worry because you are coming home. America is your home, remember?" Then I say, "Umm, are you sure? I feel pretty 'at home' here... in Cambodia because, you know, I live here. My home is here. My life is here. Right?" Then you retort, "but Brandi your family and friends are waiting for you. Are you not excited to be with and around them again?" Of course I reply, "YES! I am so ready to love on my littles, chat and laugh with my girlfriends, and make more memories with family. But for 2 years I have lived a completely different life in a completely different country. I am not the same person I was when I left America. How do I deal with this?" Your patient response, "You let us welcome you home. You worry about getting here, and we will take care of the rest. Sound good?" Nervously, I smile, not wanting to seem ungrateful, "Well, yes, that does sound good, but it seems more easily said than done. I mean, I have so much to sell and pack; friends I have no desire to leave; people depending on me; and I somehow have to keep my sanity as I say goodbye again. Do you understand?" Kindly you comfort me, "Oh Brandi, you are stronger than you think. Just remember to lean on God and He will get you through. Plus, on the other side of all of your goodbyes will be a bunch of hello agains. Your friends and family love you and are anxiously waiting to have you back."

There's that word: anxious. Yep. Been feeling that recently. In less than 8 weeks my life will drastically change again, and my little self is struggling with so many thoughts, emotions, and tasks. I would imagine that to anyone who has never lived outside of their home country, this may seem silly. Coming home seems like the most natural thing to do, but humor me for a moment. For those who have moved out and away from home, whether married or single, think of how different 'home' is once you have your own home. If you are blessed with a happy and healthy family, then your parent's and/or grandparent's home is still a comfortable, wonderful place to visit, but there is a reason for the phrase, "you can't go home again". You have rituals, habits, routines, styles, and items in your home that are simply you. No one may be able to make cookies like mom, but no one has a better, safer, more comfortable bed than you do, in your own home. Now, for those who have never moved back home to mom and dad, imagine doing so. I am sure any one can think of a few things that might go wrong, even if nothing done is, in itself, wrong. But since every circumstance in life changes us as individuals, although your core personality may always be there, we can become very different people over the passage of time. I am a very different person, but I am still me. I am nervous to come home to a country, a congregation, a family, and a life that is very different from whenever I left two years ago. Anxiety has crept in, and I must find a way to deal with it all. Scripture has been my heart's greatest comfort, and writing is my brain's. So, ahem, I feel the need to let my inner diva pen my thoughts in lyric. Although I do not condone all of the words used in the original song, Glamorous is my inspiration. I found a clean karaoke version... you know... just in case someone would be interested in de-stressing through tunes. And yes, I had a blast singing this.

https://youtu.be/ZNCk-xcKW6Y

Oh, and we may have made an audio recording. To listen to the sounds of B-rad and Bran Muffin click below:

*Tuk tuks are the moto taxis they have in Cambodia. Although enjoyable, they are not the fastest mode of transportation. **Mangosteens are a delicious fruit that look like a cross between an eggplant and a pumpkin, and taste of juicy awesomeness!

Just give in and sing it Fergie style...
............................................
Are you ready?

Since you ain't in control, bring your broke self Home
Since you ain't in control, bring your broke self Home

A-N-X-I-E-T-wah-wah-Y, yeah A-N-X-I-E-T-wah-wah-Y

We're flyin' third class, up in the sky
Drinkin' ginger ale, livin' my life
In the tuk tuk lane, not ready for change*
Oh the anxiety, ooh, the fluster, fluster
The anxiety, anxie-anxiety, the anxiety,
Ooh the fluster, fluster
The anxiety, anxie-anxiety, the anxiety,
Ooh the fluster, fluster

Sort and sift through every thing
I'll be crowned the packin' queen
What if I forget something?
With all this dust how can I clean?
Chat with fam on the Skype scene
Gonna miss my mangosteen**
Sweatin' so much it's obscene
Coatin' on the sunscreen
Chillin' in the Edwards' canteen
Gabe's made a submarine
List-en-ing to Evie sing
Penny I'm not your trampoline
Bible studies, ready to glean
Dinner guests? I need caffeine.

Sippin', reminiscing on days when I had a routine, and now I'm

third class, up in the sky
Drinkin' ginger ale, livin' my life
In the tuk tuk lane, not ready for change
Oh the anxiety, ooh, the fluster, fluster
The anxiety, anxie-anxiety, the anxiety,
Ooh the fluster, fluster
The anxiety, anxie-anxiety, the anxiety,
Ooh the fluster, fluster

[skip bridge]

A-N-X-I-E-T-wah-wah-Y, yeah A-N-X-I-E-T-wah-wah-Y

We're flyin' third class, up in the sky
Drinkin' ginger ale, livin' my life
In the tuk tuk lane, not ready for change
Oh the anxiety, ooh, the fluster, fluster
The anxiety, anxie-anxiety, the anxiety,
Ooh the fluster, fluster
The anxiety, anxie-anxiety, the anxiety,
Ooh the fluster, fluster

I got plannin' up to here
Khmer music in my ear
Singin' all these crazy things that I don't understand
Blessed with money in the bank
And I'd really like to thank
There's so many I could thank
Thank you really though
Cause I've never had a day
When I'd worry about pay
Since the church takes care of us, all the Christian folk
Man, it's been a long road and now it's time to go
My Heavenly Father's in control,
He let this daughter know

Since you ain't in control, bring your broke self Home
My Father told me so
Since you ain't in control, bring your broke self Home
He let this daughter know
Since you ain't in control, bring your broke self Home
My Father told me so
Since you ain't in control, bring your broke self Home
He let this daughter know
............................................

If you have not yet figured out that I am quirky, you have now. I pray, sing, and vent to loved ones whenever I am faced with anxiety. How about you? Oh, and if you read my previous post on preferring writing to cooking, these lyrics took me less than an hour... dinner took over two. Oh the fluster, fluster! Okay, I'm out yo. Peace!