Last month I wrote a post on the unpleasantries of receiving bad news while serving in a foreign field. Thankfully, our prayers were answered in our favor with Millie, but last week I received a FB message that my Grandma had passed away. When I first read the message from my sister, I was in shock. I knew she would never joke about our grandmother dying, but I still could not wrap my head around her being gone. I contacted my dad by email, and he confirmed that Grandma had indeed taken her last breath. She had been in poor health for several months, but regardless of circumstances, I believe it is still a shock to one's system to confront death.
A little over 2 years ago, my dad invited me to join him on a trip to see our family in Pennsylvania. As I have not had much time with that side of my family, I jumped at the opportunity, and am, in this moment, extremely grateful for the memories I have tucked away in my heart from that visit.
At the time, my grandmother had been moved into an assisted living center, as her health had been declining since my grandfather's death a few years prior. Grandma and Grandpap had been true friends, and the loss had hit her hard, as would be expected. So, I was anxious to hopefully bring some cheer to her little, shared room. What I had not anticipated, was her not recognizing me. She thought I was my step-mom, and although I was in no way offended, I was disappointed she mistook me for someone else. Throughout the duration of my stay Grandma fluctuated between being her old self and being unaware of her surroundings. At another point in time, Grandma became angry with a gentleman at her home when he inquired if I was her granddaughter. She very firmly corrected him that I was her granddaughter-in-law. Once again not offended, it still stung when Grandma did not know me. In those moments, I felt a tiny fraction of the pain so many family members must suffer. with loved ones who have memory loss. I tried to focus on the positive time with family, and cherished the instances when Grandma was 'herself.' Excuse me while I have a walk down memory lane...
My grandparents' home and farm.
We all tried to befriend this new calf, but my
cousin, Haden, the animal whisperer, won.
Spring was in the air, which meant a short ride for
me, as this horse was ready to be free to frolic.
Enjoying fondue night with Grandma at Uncle Harry and Aunt Joyce's.
I love the history found in this part of the country. They have done
a great job of blending the new buildings with the historic ones.
During this visit, my grandmother was at my side.
My next visit will be to honor them both.
One of my favorite memories of Grandma is when she would conveniently be unaware of who was winning the card game 3 to 13, unless it was her. I always knew she thought she was doing well when she would sit fairly still, trying to hide her giddy confidence. Then she would lay down, and act all "oh, am I the first one to lay down? Oh, I had no idea I was doing so well." Okay, maybe she didn't use those exact words, but you knew that's what she wanted to say. *wink*wink*
When I think of Grandma, I conjure up memories of homemade strawberry jam; of cottage cheese and applesauce served with every meal, regardless; of creaky wooden stairs in a cozy yet slightly drafty house; of black and white photos she shared as she told me about her history, which is my history too; of Grandpap in his chair, smiling at her comment, even though he is pretending he didn't hear; of a loyal and dedicated woman who supported and loved her hard-working man until the end of their lives. I am thankful for their example and their love. As I did not have the blessing of meeting them until I was 17, I do not have the history with Grandma and Grandpap that I have with my other grandparents, but the loss is no less. Although realistically I know we could have never made up for 17 years of childhood-grandparent memories, in their death, I feel as though I have lost the opportunity permanently. As I recall the first time I met my dad's family, they were huddled in an empty parking lot off the highway, almost as anxious to meet me as I was to meet them. The family I had always known I'd had, but had never met was excited to embrace me. I understand that Grandpap was never much of an emotional man, but I still remember him grabbing me and pulling me in for a tight hug. I will hold onto that hug forever. Grandma was beside herself, trying to decide who I most favored in appearance and mannerisms. She delivered several hugs and arm pats, as if she was trying to make sure I was real, and I felt the same way. As much as I would have liked to have had my entire life with Grandma and Grandpap, I cannot help but thank God for the time I did have with them. My life is better because I had the honor of not only knowing these 2, but of being their granddaughter. Grandma, as we say goodbye to you in this life, rest assured you will remain in my heart forever.
Lovingly yours,
Brandi Lee
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