Early Bird • Night Owl

If the early bird catches the worm, what does the night owl catch? As a night owl myself, I would sure like to know. Along with many blessings and trials that come with mission work, an unexpected advantage Bradley and I have received, is getting to know each other better. In all of our marriage, I think we have learned more about one another in the past 10 months than the previous 9 years, collectively. Our first few years of marriage were split between balancing family adjustments, as we were the first marriage on both sides; Bradley's full-time schooling, and part-time jobs; and my full-time day job, followed by night school. The years following this were spent in preparation for children. Whether it was striving to gain footing in my tiny graphic design business, which had taken the place of night school; home projects that would allow a more peaceful and beneficial place for us to grow our family; or filling a seat at a middle school orchestra concert in support of my hubby, I kept myself busy. At the same time, Bradley was attempting to juggle his career, our relationship, and church responsibilities. Due to the amount of hours we were both putting in, our schedule consisted of the following: wake up; eat; survive the day; accomplish something at night; try to get at least 6 hours of sleep...or catch up Saturday if there happens to be a free weekend in the near future. It was a blast - yes, if you could hear me, there would be some irony in my voice. ;o)

I say all of this, to convey the fact that Bradley and I have never had much time together, outside of vacations. Once I began my nanny job, we did have a little more time together, as Bradley would come to work with me some, but our time together has never fit our ideal situation. When he was home for summer break, I was still working full-time; and when I was off during the boys' school hours, Bradley was mastering his teaching skills in the classroom. In moving to this new country, we were thrown into a lot of time together. For the first few months I was in hog heaven. I was getting Bradley all to myself for more than a week, and for the first time, everything we did was together. We had always been working together toward a common goal, but up to our move, most of our work had been independent of one another; we have always been a team, but now we were out on the field at the same time, instead of handing off in a relay race. It felt great!

Then we began getting a little, let's say, grumpy with each other. One day we had been short with one another one too many times, and it was therefore time for a heart-to-heart. Bradley, being the kind soul he is, could not bring himself to say it, so I said it for us, "I love you, but you are getting on my nerves." I have come to believe this is the plight of an introvert-extravert marriage, as the intro/intro-vert and extra/extra-vert marriages I know, do not seem to struggle with this problem as often. Bradley was suffering from cabin fever: being stuck in the house with only one person, away from the hustle and bustle was driving him mad - I'll let you decide if I mean angry-mad or crazy-mad. *wink-wink* On the flip side, I was growing frustrated with constantly having someone in my space: having anyone trudging around an otherwise peaceful, creative space, was trying my nerves. I am laughing as I think back on this moment. Here we were, both annoyed with each, but neither one of us wanting to admit it aloud, which only made the problem worse. Thankfully, as best friends, we were desirous to figure out a solution to our problem, because, well, we really like each other a lot, and it was just no fun being grumpy. The conclusion seemed obvious: Bradley needed to go places and see people, and I needed time alone, in my home, to work and create. Everything was fixed, and we lived happily ever after...umm, only in Hollywood guys.

Our next problem, was how to resolve our issue, now that "Dr. Brandi" had diagnosed us. My alone time was easy to accomplish, as it was as simple as Bradley leaving, but where do you go in a foreign city where the majority of the people do not speak your language? If you truly answered this question just now, you are most likely an extravert, and therefore you understand that simply being out and about can be a blessing, regardless of the company. If you shirked this question, hoping it would be answered for you, as you would not want to be in this position, you are most likely an introvert, like me. Hello friend! Let's limit our time together and be best buds!

Bradley welcomed the opportunity to run errands, meet people for coffee, and just get out of the house. For several months, this arrangement worked well for both of us, but then frustration again reared its ugly head. It took a little more effort to discover our problem this time, as I was quite happy with the situation, and I am the one more likely to share my vexations. In the states, our schedule had allowed Bradley roughly 1-2 hours of alone time in the morning. Either at home or at school, he rose early to relish in grinding and brewing his coffee. He would sip his dark delight while he answered emails, read his bible, or tended to a host of other items on his agenda. He had this extra time because I am not a morning person. Even as a baby, I would stay up well past midnight, and sleep until 9 or 10 the next morning. At 21 years of age, my mom was thrilled with the hours her baby girl kept. However, American life, in general, does not cater to those of us who daily live out the scene from Disney's WALL-E. Just the sound of his alarm beeping gives me the creeps. *ewww* Back to Bradley. In trying to be a devoted wife, I had been going to bed and rising with Bradley, even though I would have rather stayed up later to get some things done. Well, come to find out, the man would actually prefer that I sleep in, in order to allow him some time alone in the morning. So, being the ever so gracious and giving person that I am, I agreed to his nearly unbearable terms of keeping my own hours. After all that, he had the audacity to offer to make us breakfast once a week. Oh the agony! I am not sure how long I will be able to bear this affliction, but I guess I will just have to find a way to endure.

We have been practicing this early bird/night owl routine for a few months now, and I am not going to lie, it has been wonderful! Bradley has his morning time to work out; brew his coffee; and feel energized before he greets his night owl with a sweet, words-are-not-necessary hug. {I love that he gets me!}

I am also enjoying the ability to give in to my night-time energy, whether it consists of organizing a shelf; house cleaning; or the more often, creative inspiration that hits just as Bradley is ready to wind down. I still get ready for bed with him, as he prefers we pray together, before tucking in for the night. {I guess I get him too.} Once the bedroom light is out, I either carry on with my work in the living space, or I work by the glow of my computer screen in bed.

With 14 months ahead of us in this work, I am quite sure we still have a lot to learn about each other, but I am grateful for how much we have grown thus far. Each morning I am blessed to be awakened by the smell of coffee brewing for my early bird, and every evening, I look forward to kissing my best friend good night. I may not catch the worm, but this night owl has caught more blessings than I deserve.

Question time:

1) Are you an early bird or a night owl?
How does this affect your schedule and/or relationships?

2) Are you and yours intro-extra; intro-intro; or extra-extra verts?
Do you feel this has made your relationship easier or more difficult at times?

I look forward to your answers. Cheers!