Behold My Stuff: The Finalé

Alright, so the last two posts have been about packing our stuff for our move to Korea, and then the crazy process of actually getting our stuff to Korea. At last, almost every thing has a place in our home. We had to get creative finding a spot for items intended for the dresser/buffet, but we managed. Similarly, it was a challenge to find a use for some of the unexpected items that came. So, with no further delay, welcome to our home!

안녕하세요! Hello! As the practice in Korea is to take off your shoes when entering someone's home, all of our outdoor foot gear lives in the entry way. Outdoor accessories also live here. I was not crazy about the doors on the shoe shelf, and therefore removed them to allow for more space and storage. In the spot where the metal shelf sits we have plans to create a shelf bench and high shelf with hooks underneath. But, for now the IKEA shelf works quite well.

As you enter our space, you may notice that it is quite long. Since it gets so crowded in the small entrance I have taken advantage of this length to create a faux entry space. All of our coats hang here, and it gives us a place to sit to put on our socks. I plan to hang something above the orange chair for purses, but for now they hang on the coat rack too.

This next space is right outside of the kitchen, and therefore seems to be the best spot for dining. Although this IKEA table is not the most comfortable, it works very well in our smaller space. Bradley has talked about building us a table, but if not, we will fare well with this one. We have extra folding chairs in the laundry room whenever company comes. Originally, Bradley had a coffee bar space in his office. However, we have come to realize that it makes more sense for it to be in the shared space since we use it a lot whenever we have company. This is a new and unfinished project, but it is serving us fairly well so far.

Please sit down and make yourself comfortable. Our couch seats up to 6 comfortably, but can handle more if you do not mind snuggling. Bradley made our coffee table, among other things, and our round chairs were slipcovered by my dear MIL. The entertainment center was a happy accident. We have a great old chemistry lab cabinet that we used as a china cabinet in America, and we purposely asked that it remain in the states due to the low ceilings here - I can touch them on my tip-toes. Somehow though, the shelves from that cabinet made it to Korea. So, I found a use for them. Bradley cleaned and sprayed some free cement bricks, and I used them to stack the shelves for our purposes. I would much rather have a fireplace, but I am pleased with the final product.

Don't you just love this cozy space!?!

Just outside of the living space is the utility room. Most of the apartments here either have this type of long room off of the living space with large windows, or a smaller room off of the kitchen. For the sake of natural light, I honestly wish I had the outside windows as part of the living space. However, with the cold winters here, it is nice to have the extra distance from the cold. Doing laundry in the winter can be a little chilly, but not too bad. Dryers in Korean homes does not seem to be common. Thankfully, I was able to find a washer/dryer combo at Costco. I usually only use the dryer for a short period, and then hang everything to dry fully...except for towels. You just cannot beat the feel a warm, fluffy towel!!!

Coming out of the laundry room takes us back through the living space, past the kitchen, and into Bradley's office. Before our stuff arrived he had built a desk the length of the room with bookshelves lining both walls. After unpacking all of his office boxes though, he has decided the space is too cramped. So, he is in the process of reinventing his workspace. I am excited for him as he reconfigures everything to create a happy and energizing space where he can work, study, and create his music.

You can see why he felt cramped...

B made these lamps from a minnow trap - love it!

The canvas handles drop so he can do pull ups!

Just outside B's office is the kitchen. Although for the modern Korean apartment kitchens it is on the smaller side, compared to the kitchens in villas similar to ours it is quite large. Out of the dozen or so apartments we saw, only 2 of them had kitchens bigger than this one. Still, for an American kitchen it is tiny, and it has been a challenge to make it work. For starters, Koreans, well, Southeast Asians for that matter do not bake. So, ovens are nonexistent. I have yet to see an oven in a friend's home. Everything is done on the stove top or in a microwave. After Cambodia, this was nothing new, and I planned to purchase a toaster oven and create some kind of cart for it. By chance I found a small oven at Costco (I love having that place here!!!), and my sweet FIL asked if he could gift it to us. Then I found a cart with wheels and had our friend's husband mold a top for it. I am quite happy with how it came out, and I love having the extra counter space!

A large fridge space doubles as pantry storage.

Tea anyone?

I have enjoyed this freezer full of drawers.

I wish there was more, but I love the natural light.

I use this random black cupboard front for meal
plans and the conversions for metric and celsius.

In case you are curious what's inside my cabinet...

The window "snake" holds my phone while I cook. 

I LOVE MY SPICE RACK!!! DH made it for me.

I love my cutting board basket.

A glimpse at the cuteness of my oven at work.

My beautiful and beloved KitchenAid mixer.

Due to the voltage difference, my baby requires
a transformer that is heavy and ugly. It took me
a while to figure out how to hide it, but voila!

Going past the dining space from the kitchen you come to my studio. Originally we had planned for it to be the nursery, but unfortunately we have found out that adopting in Korea as foreigners is nigh unto impossible due to some new laws passed in 2016. So, after a little pity party I decided to take advantage of the space and create a studio for myself. I would rather have a bundle of joy, but if I cannot, then let me create! This was the storage room as we went through boxes. So, it is the last room for me to organize. It is coming along quite well, but I have a few more things to do before I can say it is complete. I love this space! For the first time I really feel like an artist. I love having my tools at the tips of my fingers, and I have tried to create a space that inspires me.

From my office you take the hallway (haha!) to the bathroom or wet room. This is another reason I chose this apartment. Most wet rooms in the villas are the size of an average to large elevator, and everything gets wet every time you shower. I can live with it, but I do not enjoy it at all. The first apartment we had here was like this. It was so frustrating to absent-mindedly walk in to use the restroom only to feel your socks get wet. Yuck! Thankfully that is not an issue here. Not only did they provide a long room with a shower divider, but I have made some tweaks to lessen the splash effect. I added a curtain (same target one from Cambodia - that thing has traveled the world!), and then I added a clear door sweeper/guard to the bottom of the shower glass. We still have a squeegee on hand for the occasional spillage, but overall the water stays in the shower. Storage is hard to find here, but thankfully I had a few things that have allowed us to keep every thing we need at hand.

Bradley made this towel rack too.

Finally, the place we come to at the end of every day: our bedroom. Say hello to the "sky bed," as we jokingly call it. Bradley built it high so we can store our luggage underneath. Plus, we have an extra mattress underneath ours at the moment. We originally kept it to use for our guests last year. Now we have kept it for the couple that will be joining us in Korea early next year. It will be strange to not have to jump into bed... With no closets, Bradley was kind enough to build a free-standing closet for our hanging clothes, and I use baskets on the bottom for things like socks and work-out clothing. The only furniture we purchased were the side "tables" which have been awesome since they have so many drawers. I keep my essential oils, pillow cases, and more on my side. Then the metal IKEA shelf holds the fan, some accessories, and more clothing.

Since we had planned to adopt here, I made sure we had the crib we bought several years ago. Once we learned that would not be an option for us, I had to get creative again. I had no desire to stare at an empty crib in our space. So, the crib mattress frame is being used an idea board in my studio, and although you cannot see them very well due to the height of the bed, I used the crib ends as a headboard. I look forward to seeing them after that extra mattress is gone. The crib sides are currently holding some scarves and belts, but I am not too crazy about the crowded look. Plus they are not giving me happy vibes. So, I will figure out something else eventually. Since the dresser did not come, we have put its top piece to use as a make-shift dresser. I set it up on two heavy, metal baskets, and we use baskets as drawers. It's worked quite well. I had fun using my different silver plates and containers to organize my jewelry, make up, and hair necessities.

So, after having done an international move without shipping and now with shipping, I can honestly say Solomon knew what he was talking about: it is all vanity. Haha! Both ways have their pros and cons. Not having our stuff shipped meant a lot of time, effort, and money went into finding and buying new stuff. Then the stress and hassle of selling it all was another pain I would like to forget. However, the strain of our specific shipping process may have taken a few years off my lifespan. So, my recommendation? Well, every situation and every person is different. As much of a pain as it was to have our stuff shipped, I feel so much more at home here than I did in Cambodia. Part of that comfort is due to our stuff. We could have survived without our stuff, but I do believe it is helping us to thrive instead of just survive. Mental and emotional health definitely effect your work, and for that reason I think it is important to provide a peaceful and energizing space in your home. I believe it makes us better workers for the Lord, and for us, at this point in our lives in Korea, our stuff is helping to provide some peace and energy. However, I am ready to be done organizing my stuff for a while, and with that, I thank you for taking some time to behold my stuff!

What is your favorite "happy spot" in your home?
If you were moving abroad, do you think you would want to ship your stuff or buy new?
Do you tend to hold onto something for sentimental or practical purposes?

Cheers!

Behold, my stuff - Part 2

Our most recent visitor was surprised to learn that I still had a box or two to unpack from our move. Having been in Korea for 2 years now, I can understand how that might seem a little odd. However, our entire situation is an odd one. I have to record this story because it seems almost unbelievable, even to me. In my last post I discussed the stress of preparing our stuff for shipment across the great Pacific. Once everything was packed and delivered to the warehouse, I felt significantly relieved knowing that the difficult part had passed. Oh, if I had only known the roller coaster was just about to begin, I would have tightened my belt a little more!

We arrived in Korea September of 2017 with a temporary apartment secured by the congregation through October of that same year. The plan was to find our own apartment as soon as possible for multiple reasons, one being shipping our stuff. During our visit earlier that year, we had been informed that we would have to obtain an alien registration card before we could secure an apartment. We had also received help in the rental system here in Korea, as it is different from the system in the states. So, we felt confident we were well-prepared for this part of our venture. Not long after our arrival we visited the government office to obtain our alien registration card so we could proceed with finding an apartment. We learned that 1) we would have to obtain a work visa in order to qualify for an alien registration card; and that 2) we would have to find an apartment before we could receive an alien registration card. This was the opposite of what we had originally understood. We shrugged our shoulders, as we have learned these misunderstandings are a part of foreign work, and went about seeking a work visa and apartment.

Throughout the entire process, we were in contact with Sam, the brother who had kindly offered his assistance with shipping our stuff since he worked for a shipping company - such a blessing! Our initial ship date was November 1st, as we had thought we would have an apartment selected and secured by then. With this new news, however, we informed him to hold our stuff until we had a place to put everything.

Bradley focused on the work visa while I searched an apartment app for prospects. With my prior understanding of the rental system and our plans to adopt, we were looking at apartments that had 3+ bedrooms and were around 1200 square feet. I had also packed our stuff according to these plans. We had a 20x8x8 container coming to our doorstep...assuming we would have a doorstep at some point.

We soon learned that an apartment could only be rented by a Korean resident or a foreigner with a work visa. Thankfully, our friends Danny and Irina had helped Bradley secure a job. Unfortunately we would not have visas until his job began in March. At least we had a date though. So, we contacted Sam with a ship date of March 15th. The 2-3 weeks of sea voyage would give us enough time to secure our apartment, but not too much time without furnishings. It was a few months later than I had hoped, but it was finally coming together... or so I thought.

Not too long into the actual apartment hunt we realized we had been mistaken in the deposit amounts required for rental units. The way they list things is different, and although it makes sense once you understand it, I had misunderstood. So, where I had thought that we would need to put 10,000,000 won (roughly $9,500) down to have an apartment on the upper floor of a villa, we would actually need a deposit of 100,000,000 won (roughly $84,000)!!!

[camera zooms in quickly on foreigners' faces] WHAT!?!

Well, surprisingly enough, we just do not have the kind of money. Now, in case you are wondering, the Koreans do not usually have that kind of money lying around either, but as residents, they can easily acquire a loan with a very low interest rate. Then, the monthly rent is usually quite low, ranging between 100,000-550,000 won (roughly $85-450), depending on the total deposit amount and type of apartment. That allows them to pay the loan and the rent, often at a total amount that is much lower than our average monthly rent in the states. So, yes. I did have a momentary panic as I realized I had a shipping container filled with stuff for a 3+ bedroom home, but did not have the financial situation to supply the intended size of apartment. I am pretty sure I had to do some self-talk at this point.

The process for the visa took longer than Bradley's boss had anticipated. This, along with the discovery about the apartment situation brought us to Sam's inbox again, letting him know we needed postpone the date again. Ugh!

Finally when April ushered in, we managed to obtain our visas. The visa office explained that we could not receive our alien registration cards, which would give us access to our healthcare, until we had a Korean address in our names. So, that was next on the list. Our friend, Jung Oo, connected us with his realtor friend who helped us find a suitable apartment that would most likely accommodate our mound of stuff. I was so excited to finally have a place we could call home! She assisted us with the necessary paperwork. As we were happily signing everything, she asked for our alien registration cards.

[camera zooms in quickly on foreigners' faces] WHAT!?!

We explained what we had been told at the office, and I nearly cracked another tooth clenching my jaw. The paperwork could not be filed with the landlord without an A.R.#. Thankfully, the realtor got creative. She used our identification numbers, and then told us to bring her our cards once they were processed. Phew! The rest of the process went smoothly for the most part, and I was relieved to finally contact Sam with a for-real date. We were ready for our stuff as soon as he could get it to the dock. Yay! Another thing checked off our list.

Then, came the reply. Sam was happy for us, but unfortunately he was changing jobs.

[camera zooms in quickly on foreigners' faces] WHAT!?!

His current shipping company was willing to hold our stuff long enough for him to make the switch, but then it needed to be on its way somewhere else.

Okay, I thought. No biggie. We want it on its way to us any way. So, this works out, right? Well, no. For reasons I trust but do not completely understand, Sam could not ship using the company he was leaving. But, he was going to check with his new job to see if they would allow him a 1-time personal shipment since they only did commercial items.

We waited...

No go.

Sam assured us that he would find a company that would handle our stuff though. Okay, I thought. No biggie. Our stuff will be delayed a few weeks. We can camp out in our apartment for a few weeks. Thankfully, the bed Glen had bought during his stay had not sold when we had posted it. So, even though we had hoped to not move any furniture when we changed apartments, we were grateful to have a bed to bring into our new place.

The month of May came and went, and we were still trying to get our stuff to the docks. One thing after another fell out of place, and I was trying to not let frustration rule the day. Finally, Sam managed to find a company that would take care of our stuff. We just needed to send him an inventory list for insurance purposes. I was so excited, and got to work checking and updating our inventory list. By this point, we had asked Sam to pull some of our items because we did not have room for them here. We arranged for my mom to pick them up and store them elsewhere.

Now 9 months into our stay, I was wondering if it was even worth shipping our stuff. We had gone this long without it. But, then I realized how it affected my state of mind to think of 'putting up with what we had' versus 'having what we want.' When I would think about 'putting up,' I immediately when into "let's hurry up and get out of Korea" mode. It made me feel like I was on a bad vacation that had gone wrong and lasted way too long. I knew this would not be healthy if we were going to be successful for the Lord. So, we decided to 'make do' until we could get our stuff, but that 'making a home' was important for our well-being. Thankfully, Bradley and I are good scavengers, and we managed to pick up a few items that were put out in the trash. No need to panic. They were just sitting on the side of the road, free from anything dangerous or disgusting. So, we managed to clean up and use several items to help us 'make do' until our stuff could arrive in June or July at the latest.

Summer of 2018 was coming to a close, and we received an email from Sam. He was changing jobs again.

[camera zooms in quickly on foreigners' faces] WHAT!?!

The good news: he was returning to his original company and could use them to ship our stuff. The bad news: the process would be delayed a little longer.

[camera zooms in quickly on foreigners' faces] Eye-twitching and face contortions.

Oh well. At this point, what was another month or two. So, we went about our business, occasionally checking in with Sam to see if there were any updates.

November came with the news that our stuff had shipped! Although I was thankful, after all the ups and downs of this process, a part of me was prepared to learn that our shipping container was the only one that had been dropped in the ocean. Haha! On December 6th, we received an email from the dock in Busan, Korea that our stuff had arrived. Unfortunately because it had been more than 6 months since our move to Korea, we would have to pay customs on our stuff. Apparently, they assume anything coming to you after more than 6 months cannot be for living purposes. I mean, who would wait more than 6 months to furnish their home and ship their possessions, right? *lip curl*

Sam did his best to try and remedy the problem, but it was a country law. Nothing could be done. So, we focused on what was coming.

Finally the delivery date came! In our correspondence with Sam, I had outlined which pieces were to come and which were to stay. As the movers brought in box after box and piece after piece, I was anxious to see my favorite piece of furniture: our dresser. Actually, it is the bottom part of a modern buffet, but we have used it as a buffet and a dresser, depending on our needs. It was going to be the dresser in our room or the nursery. I never saw it. Then, the final piece was being brought up, and I could hear the men struggling with it out in the stairway. I was bursting with anticipation. Then I heard Bradley say, "oh no. You have got to be kidding me." My stomach dropped. Out of all of our stuff, there was one item I had been emphatic about not receiving: our washing machine. Due to the voltage differences and its size, it would just be in the way. My mom was going to take it, but had not yet done so since Sam's company was kind enough to store our items.

Now... it was in our living room... in Korea.

[camera zooms in quickly on foreigners' faces] Eye-twitching and face contortions.

After talking with Sam, we discovered that he was not there when everything had been loaded. So, we were lacking several items for which we had planned, and had several items for which we did not - a few of the items did not even belong to us. Jung Oo encouraged us by letting us use his parents apartment to store the extra items. It was so sweet of him, and we took him up on his offer.

It was December 9th. We were leaving for our visit to the states on December 14th. I was determined to not worry about sorting through anything. My focus was on making piles and pathways so we could survive the mess. I had plenty to sort through once we returned from the states because at last we could say in person, "behold my stuff!"

Believe it or not, this is better than it was...
can you find the washing machine?

Bradley has a lot of books and office supplies. Yikes!

I always try to provide a peaceful space
where we can rest, away from the chaos.

Did Brandi ever sort through all of the boxes? Does Bradley continue to order more books? Will the washing machine ever find a purpose in its new life? Find out next time on 'a little "sip" of Brandi.' Cheers!

Behold...my stuff

So, whenever Bradley asked me if I would consider moving to Korea, I had so many thoughts running through my head. Just like Cambodia, we never planned to move to Korea, but unlike Cambodia, we did not have nearly 2 years to prepare for such a move. The congregation asked us to be ready as quickly as possible, preferably within 2 months. Even though I had moved my life overseas before, 2 months would be stressful for a local move, nonetheless an international one. We were able to push our move date forward a few weeks, but I still felt at a loss as to how to pack up our life in such a short time. It felt as though we had barely stretched our legs after the flight from Phnom Penh, and here we were taking off again.

The upside to having been stateside for less than a year was that we had not had a chance to unpack our life completely. Most everything stayed in boxes for our first 6 months in the states while we bunked with our brother and sister-in-law. Once we relocated into our Dallas apartment, I had the task of locating all of our possessions, as our stuff was in 7 different locations - yeah, it was insane, and I do not recommend it for anyone! You live, you learn. Next came sorting through the many boxes, bags, and crates. I was amazed at how some things had held together, and other things looked as if they had been stored unkept for a century. Finally, I began repacking our assests for our next move, which we thought would be Denton. As some of you may know, our plan was to open a coffee shop with a unique component that would allow Bradley to utilize his talents, while we began the process to foster and hopefully adopt children. We hoped this business would allow us to someday assist with a foreign work either financially or personally... someday... like 5-10 years down the road. Silly me for making plans again!

Back to the undertaking of sorting. This project may have looked a little different had I known we would be leaving the country in the very near future. Still, since I had so recently sorted through our stuff I had a better idea of what I wanted to take with us. Since some friends in Korea had helped us look at apartment options, we had a pretty good idea of the type of place we wanted. Thus began the frantic and less organized packing process for our international relocation. Unlike Cambodia, I had requested that we have our stuff shipped to us. We still filled our suitcases, but instead of building and buying everything once we arrived to our new home, I took comfort knowing that my stuff would be coming to us soon. As a Christian, I know that stuff is physical, with no place in the afterlife, nor spiritual assistance in this one, but as a human, there are certain things that bring me comfort. Call me a Dharma Finklestein if you will, but my mood and peace of mind is greatly effected by my environment. I believe a lot of women are this way, hence the term "bachelor pad" referring to an often less cozy and inviting space. I am willing to fly all over the planet if my husband and Lord need me to do so... just please let me have some of my stuff, okay?

When moving across town, or even state to state, you can pretty much throw everything in boxes and still survive. For the most part, you can begin unpacking as soon as they arrive at your new home, and if you have labeled your boxes, then you can find anything necessary. Plus, if you really need something before you can locate it, you can always grab it from WalMart or Target. However, an international move, as I have learned, requires a little more precision. You have no guarantee when you will see your stuff again, nor do you know where you can purchase it in your new foreign home... assuming it is even available. With so little time and so much stuff, I knew I needed to be extremely organized in order to accomplish everything. Thankfully, one of my super powers is that of organization. HaHAAA! Taking a lesson from our first international move, I got to work immediately by creating groups. Some things would be stored, others shipped, packed for the plane ride, or donated to Goodwill. To help myself and Bradley in those moments we were stuck on what to do with an item, I created 3 group titles: Shipping, Packing, and Tasks. Each card had a statement to help us make a decision if we were unsure since such a decision can become slightly difficult at 2 in the morning. Although our 590 square foot apartment was tight, I managed to create 3 sections to sort all the boxes, furniture, et cetera. In anticipation of life being crazy during all of this, it was important to me to maintain a comfortable sleeping space in the hopes of preserving our sanity... or at least mine since Bradley handles the idea of change better than I do.

These cards were placed with their
corresponding sections.

Proof that we can get rid of stuff.

Our living room became the warehouse.

The packing station was in our bedroom.

Sweet retreat at the end of each
packing day. *sigh*

For the most part I was able to be optimistic that we would be ready come moving day, but some days I fought with an overwhelming sense of anxiety, barely able to focus on a single task. My hands were packing and storing things, but my brain was still trying to process the fact that we were moving out of the country again. I did not want to leave my friends and family again. I had just gotten them all back, and we were already saying goodbye. The night before the Uhaul was scheduled to arrive, I was packing in the kitchen, wrestling with a storage container that simply would not fit in the box, and that was the straw that broke the camel's back. Thankfully, I have a patient husband, and some amazing friends. Marissa and Krista responded to my "911" text to help us move the following morning, and I was able to get some sleep. With their help, and the assistance of a friend we had made in our apartment complex, we were able to finish packing and loading the Uhaul truck. We then proceeded to deliver everything to the warehouse where Sam would prepare it all for shipping. My mom and step-dad met us at the warehouse since some of the stuff in the Uhaul was for storage. They were kind enough to let us borrow some of their property to assemble a storage unit for our possessions.  It was a long day, but somehow, thanks to friends and family, we survived.

After dealing with our stuff, I can honestly say that I see the wisdom in minimalism, not that I ever saw it as foolishness. But, 'stuff' definitely makes you less able to pick up and go, and when your goal is to serve the Lord however He needs you, just the thought of a never-ending pile of boxes can be a deterrent. This entire process has taught me to be more diligent in my purchases, and less concerned about holding onto things that are not currently blessing us.

This was the beginning of our shipping process, and oh what a process it became! We could not have anticipated some of the ups and downs, but it is rarely the easy things in life that make for interesting conversation, right? And yes, I will be sharing our journey in the near future. It took over a year for us to finally be able to say "behold... my stuff!"

If you could only take 1 unnecessary item with you to a foreign land, what would it be and why?

A Sense of Community

Whenever we moved to Cambodia I was overwhelmed. Everything was so different in the 3rd-world 'Kingdom of Wonder' compared to my familiar, 1st-world homeland. On the other hand, 1st-world, technologically-advanced Korea was a much easier transition, which in turn meant that our discoveries were less mind-blowing. This ease gave a rise in my mind to the false sense that my friends and family back home would find this country less interesting. I mean, people here have food, electricity, education, and a public transportation system to be envied. Could any of this be intriguing? After watching a few travel episodes with Rick Steve, I was reminded that any differences in culture, lifestyle, and landscape is interesting to most. So, I decided to start with housing.

The Korean language is not as possessive as American English. For example, instead of saying 'my house,' they tend to say 'our house.' This applies to other things as well. This is most likely due to the cultural view of self within the community. Although it is not a socialist country, there is a sense of focus on the whole society, and how every individual affects that whole. I mentioned this in my last post, where I discussed the difference in how each of our cultures view weddings and hospitality. Their view of community has also helped to shape the style of housing in this beautiful country.

South Korea is slightly smaller than the size of the state of Virginia, but with a whopping 51+million population. By comparison, California, our most populous state, has almost 40 million occupants. That’s a lot of bodies in a small area, especially considering that over 70% of this country is covered with low mountains, that for the most part are uninhabited. This would be a problem for some cultures, but not for the sharp Korean mind. Since they do not have the capability to build out, they have taken advantage of their vertical space. Building up is the obvious choice, but they have even built down, into the earth, capitalizing on this unused space for parking and such. So, although a small part of the population lives in individual homes on land varying in size, most Koreans live in apartments or villas. Apartments here are more similar to our condominiums in America, as they are mainly mortgaged, not rented. Korean villas are closer to our apartments, but that is for another post.

Our dear friend and Korean teacher, whose English name is Michelle, was kind enough to let me take pictures of her apartment complex. Welcome to the Zenith Apartments, or better known to taxi drivers as "Doo-seon apart-uh."

As with most complexes here, a group of buildings are clustered together to create a mini city. Each building has its own underground parking garage, as well as a decent-sized parking lot at ground level. Although Korea has an extremely low crime rate, they still believe in security. Each building is equipped with an electronic buzzer system. If you have the code, you can enter the building with ease, or simply enter your friend’s apartment number to ring them. Once inside, you can proceed to the elevator, or if you are desirous for some exercise, the stairs stop at every floor of this 48-story building. We chose the elevator since we had been riding our bikes around town this particular day.

Parking garage for Michelle's building.

So many floors = so many buttons!

Michelle escorting us into her home.

On each floor of this building there are 6 apartments. On average, each apartment usually houses 1 family comprised of 1 to 3 generations. Usually, this type of apartment will have 3-4 bedrooms; 2-3 wet rooms and/or bathrooms; a central living room; a kitchen (typically small in comparison with American kitchens); and a laundry room and/or sunroom. A wet room is one where the shower is open to the entire room that includes a sink and toilet. There is no bath, and traditionally there is no shower curtain or divider. Often a pair of foam or rubber slippers are provided in case the floor is wet. Since wet rooms are more traditional, water splashed about the room is common. Although it can drive this American a little crazy, the Koreans are quite at peace whether the room is wet or dry. Most of the newer homes in which we have been have bathrooms with standard size bathtubs, but still without a curtain or divider. My favorite part of Michelle’s home is her view.

Sweet Michelle had prepared salmon sushi for us! She knows it is one of my favorites. No need to worry moms, Aunt Michelle is taking very good care of us... even spoiling us some. Afterwards we enjoyed a game and the massage chair in her comfortable living room.

Once we step out of Michelle’s cozy and welcoming home, there is still more to be explored. As I mentioned earlier, these complexes, especially the ones built this century, seek to provide everything tenants would desire to form a mini city. For some activity outdoors, there are several playgrounds, a walking track, an outdoor gym, a water pad for kids during the summer, and a path around the whole complex that allows a peaceful walk to enjoy both God and man’s creations. 

Within the management building you find a daycare, a small library, study rooms for students, an indoor golf course, and indoor gym with state of the art facilities. At one of the entrance gates a convenience store, a few shops, a small academy, and my favorite lil' grocery mart are all open for business, ready to provide for your needs.

Daycare from the outside.

Daycare entrance office.

Perfect size library for this "mini city."

Shh!

Just one of the holes available.

Sweat, glow, and live strong.

Such a cute corner!

I have decided that Korea's sense of community is one of my favorite qualities that defines this country. In general, they do not have to try hard to think of the village surrounding them. It is simply a part of their culture; they recognize they are a piece of the whole. My American individualism has been tested to transform, and I am enjoying growing beyond myself. I feel like it has given me a peek into how the first-century church worked and lived together as a whole. We are doing our best to think of the whole as we shine the light of Jesus and gain a better sense of community.

A Lesson in Cultural Differences

Recently Bradley and I had the privilege of attending my brother's wedding in Los Angeles. It was a beautiful affair, and especially touching for me to see Byron unite with his tenderhearted bride. On this trip, I had anticipated exhaustion from travel; excitement and anxiety from helping with the wedding; and much joy derived from precious time with family. One thing I had not counted on, however, was that of a lesson in cultural differences.

Last year in June, Byron visited us here in Pohang, and as he always does, he made a few friends during his short stay. One of them is our dear friend, Jung Oo. So, whenever Jung Oo discovered we were traveling to the states for the wedding, he invited himself along. This was the first part of the lesson, as we were unsure how to handle someone inviting themselves to another person's wedding. I assume this difference in view stems from our different world views. The Korean culture comes from the world view of community: most cultural rules, practices, and traditions are based on what is best for the community as a whole. They believe the individual is more greatly enriched if the community is benefited, as opposed to the American mindset that the community will more greatly benefit if the individual is enriched. As I have seen the downside to both of these views, I reason the truth is found somewhere in the middle. Regardless, where a wedding in America is a celebration on a personal, individual level, a wedding in Korea is a celebration for the community. This slight difference in views yields different practices. Thankfully, Byron and his bride were completely understanding, and they accepted Jung Oo's invitation to their wedding. Haha!

Bradley and I were relieved to have dodged a cultural bullet, and proceeded with planning, packing, and traveling to the wedding. It was a blessing on this side of the ocean to have our Korean friend to help in the airport, and we were happy to return the favor stateside. Aside from the 1 1/2 hour wait for our foreign friend to make it through customs, there were no hiccups during our 18 hours of travel. Byron met us at curbside, and the wedding week began.

Enjoying the Promenade.

Although we did savor some American treats and do a little sight-seeing, most of our time was spent preparing for the 'big day.' When he had decided to come along, Jung Oo was excited to visit Universal Studios and other 'hot spots' with us. We quickly and gently informed Jung Oo that we were not traveling as tourists, but for the purpose of focusing on and helping Byron with his wedding. He was welcome to do anything that he pleased, but we were going to be at my brother's disposal for the entirety of the trip. I was quite relieved when he said he understood, as Koreans love their travel! I was worried this would cause some disappointment or frustration on his part, but thankfully this was not the case.

One evening after a day of wedding preparation, we all decided to take it easy and enjoy sandwiches while watching a TV show. My mom pulled out all of the sandwich fixins', and after giving thanks for our food, we all proceeded, in turn, to make our sandwiches. Jung Oo was standing around, and it dawned on me that he might not know how to make a sandwich, given the American sandwich is almost non-existent in Asia. I quietly suggested to Bradley that he assist Jung Oo with his meal, but before Bradley could do so, my mom kindly offered. With this, our Korean friend became frustrated and declared to Bradley, "no. You do it!" He was evidently upset, and we were all unsure as to the reason. Both my mom and I tried to help, but Jung Oo was insistent that Bradley be the one. So, we all tried to focus on the show instead of the uncomfortable situation in the kitchen. After eating his sandwich, Jung Oo left for the hotel without saying much. We were all concerned, but unsure as to what to do. Bradley called him to see if he was okay, and if he wanted to join us in a board game. He declined and said he wanted to stay in the hotel. The only thing we could figure was that we had unintentionally embarrassed our friend since he did not know how to make a sandwich, but it was only a guess.

When Bradley and I returned that night to the room we were sharing with Jung Oo, it was evident that there was still a cloud hanging above our friend's head. We did our best to give him room, while making it clear we were available if he decided he wanted to talk. The following day he was finally able to move past his feelings and share what had been weighing on him: our lack of hospitality.

Before I go any further, I need to make it clear that for our friend's world view and cultural experience, he did nothing wrong in this situation. In his realm of understanding, Bradley and I were in the wrong. Let me explain:

Cultural differences go beyond the holidays, clothing, and daily rituals. They extend deeper: to our way of thinking. Simple things like hospitality, niceties in public, sleeping arrangements, physical affection, respect versus disrespect, signs of a close relationship, and more all come back to what we view as right and wrong. However, every culture has its own view of what is right and wrong in all of these areas and more. As a Christian, my actual right and wrong are laid out in biblical principles, but as an American, my "right and wrong" are, in actuality, opinions that have been taught as rules. For example, in Asia, it is disrespectful for a young person to look an older person in the eyes if they are being reprimanded. It is viewed as a challenge to authority. This "right" way is viewed in the complete opposite way in America. It is seen as dismissive if a young person does not look the older person in the eyes, and is therefore disrespectful. That's a HUGE difference in a way of thinking; the complete opposite in fact. Both customs are reaching for the same goal: respect. And yet, the process of attaining this goal is the exact opposite. Having lived in two Asian countries now, Bradley and I have learned our fair share of "rights" and "wrongs." Since honoring all people is a biblical principle, we have always striven to be respectful of the cultural rules and practices around us. In this way, I truly appreciate and understand Paul's struggle to 'become all things to all men,' as it is not an easy feat at times. However, it does give us the opportunity to show Christ's love in a way that is unnecessary whenever you are in your own country. To follow common and familiar customs is not difficult, but to recognize and observe unfamiliar customs takes a great deal of effort and focus. I think this is one of the reasons foreign work can be so exhausting. When you spend every moment on the street trying to avoid doing what is considered rude, and doing what you remember to be considerate in your current culture, it can wear you out mentally.

Okay, so back to the story.

In Korea, hospitality is one of complete service given by your host, not waiters. Tipping is unnecessary and even at times offensive in Korea. They believe in a job well done, regardless of the pay. For someone like me, this is a dream. If I need something, someone is available to help me, but if not, I will not be bothered. This is another difference from American culture where the tip depends on how well you are served during your meal. However, since Korean hosts are charged with serving, the waiters are less involved. It is customary that if you invite someone to eat with you, you will pay the bill. If you were invited, they pay. (This changes once you have established a relationship with friends, as you can share the cost of outings, if desired. However, in my experience so far, trade-offs are more popular: "I'll pay for the movie tickets. You pay for the snacks.") Not only do the hosts pay for the meal, they also order for their guests, with the greatest concern being that their company be at least comfortably full, if not uncomfortably full, at the end of the meal. They ensure the guests comfort within the allotted space, such as asking for temperature adjustments if needed. They put food on your plate for you, as they eat communal style with shared main dishes and small individual plates. One hostess even went as far as to spoon feed me.

Yes.

You read that correctly.

I was spoon fed... in public... by a woman who I had only met once before... all in the name of hospitality. Some foreigners love this servitude. They enjoy the pampering and feel cared for with all of this attention. I am one who struggles with it. Usually at a gathering, I am the one who seeks out a job or a conversation so I can feel a sense of purpose. If I am being spoon fed, I feel quite worthless, and the independent part of my personality feels caged. Not to mention that I am not too fond of being the center of attention.

Now, hopping over the Pacific to our homeland, like in Korea, hospitality does mean service and caring for your guest. However, the way this goal of service and care is met, is quite different. Now, being a melting pot, America does have various cultural practices, and I think that yields a culture of people who are, in general, less strict in their views of 'right and wrong' concerning hospitality. In general though, hospitality means providing for the needs of your guest. A good American host ensures their guest has food available to them, a comfortable bed, as well as anything they need to take care of themselves. The service is more in the providing rather than the doing. (To my knowledge, in America, spoon feeding is reserved for infants.*wink*wink*) Specifically for Bradley and I, hospitality in our home also reveals a level of trust. If we are close enough to someone, they are invited to treat our home as they would their own. They can rummage through the fridge, take a snack from the pantry, and even make themselves a sandwich if they so desire. We would not allow a stranger this level of access to our home, and even with new acquaintances there is a period of time where I would prefer they not be in my kitchen. However, if you have earned my trust, then mi casa es tu casa!

This intimate level of hospitality is what we were demonstrating to Jung Oo, yet his world view saw this act as a lack of hospitality. My family had gone so far as to pay for his hotel stay, some of his meals, provide a mode of transportation, and Bradley and I had helped him with reserving and purchasing his airline tickets. And yet, our difference in defining hospitality had brought about this misunderstanding. We were hurt that he considered us inhospitable, and he was hurt that we cared so little for him that we had neglected to feed him more attentively. Who knew a sandwich could cause so much trouble?

Thankfully, after some discussion, Bradley was able to remind Jung Oo that we were not in his country. We were in America, and the customs are different. Bradley briefly explained the differences in our cultures, and our friend realized his misunderstanding of our actions. Both apologized, and Jung Oo said that for the first time he could comprehend some of what Bradley and I deal with on a daily basis in Korea. For us, it was a relief to have him come to this realization. Not only for the sake of peace being restored, but it is a comfort to know that in the future he will have a little more patience and compassion for us whenever we mistakenly offend, due to the difference in American and Korean practices. Even though we had an unpleasant miscommunication, in the end it drew us closer to our dear friend. Overall, the trip was a great blessing for us.

Rehearsal dinner photo opp.

The send-off for the gorgeous couple.

This is not "the" sandwich, but I had to share. Haha!

My take away from all of this is that the reality is the only true right and wrong comes from God's word, not a person's world view. However, it is quite helpful to realize that a man or woman's world view shapes how they think about everything. Hopefully the knowledge gained from this experience will help us share the gospel more effectively in Korea and everywhere. Although I have deciphered a lot about thinking outside of my culture, this incident has brought to light just how much I have yet to learn. I pray I can exhibit patience, humility, and kindness each time I am presented with a lesson in cultural differences.

Cheers!

A Spiritual Pedicure

Hello again!

It has been a long time since my last post. There have been a dozen times that I have sat down to write a new post, only to give up in frustration. This was not due to writer's block or not having anything to say, but rather most of my thoughts were negative, and I feared they would discourage instead of encourage. Writing allows me to vent, but I always try to come back to "will this glorify God?" So, over the past year, I have walked away from my computer, feeling defeated by my own bitterness. Oh Brandi, you bitter brat.

To boil it down, although I do not feel 'lonely', I do feel alone here. To convey this conundrum to those who have not been in my shoes is difficult. It's not as though I'm crying myself to sleep at night. I have friends with whom to laugh, play games, and visit. However, there is still a lingering loneliness that exists whenever you are doing a foreign work, because you are often alone in your faith. The feeling is compounded when there are no other Americans who understand the cultural part of who you are. It's no wonder I've had a greater struggle here than I did in Cambodia. Oddly enough I did cry myself to sleep there, but that was specifically due to missing the two boys I used to nanny, "my boys," Zach and Max. In Cambodia our small but solid group of believers included an American brother and sister who understood our cultural frustrations. We actually had fewer friends in Cambodia, and yet I didn't struggle with this type of loneliness. So, why am I faced with it now?

Well, when your husband works a full-time secular job, and both of you are the only ones available to make contacts, demonstrate hospitality, develop relationships, and conduct studies, you can wear down pretty quickly. The weight of being alone in your faith increases rapidly.

So, that's one reason that explains the 'loneliness.'

Then, there's the language barrier. Always the language barrier. This was an issue in Cambodia too, however we had a believing brother who was a full-time translator/interpreter. This gave us assurance that the truth of our meaning was fully conveyed. In Bradley's studies here he has come to realize that some of the biblical meanings have not been fully disclosed or correctly translated in study materials, and even in parts of the Korean bible...or at least one of the versions of it. This means that a study that would take roughly 30 minutes with a native English speaker takes at least twice as long, but usually three or four times as long. Even with our Korean lessons, it would probably takes us several years before we would have enough understanding of the language to ensure the meaning is being fully conveyed. Even though we are not discouraged to the point of giving up, it does add to the weight and daily frustrations of the work. Again, a feeling to which most of our loved ones and brethren cannot relate.

Another reason for the 'loneliness.'

Originally, Bradley took a secular position to relieve funds back home in anticipation of another family joining us in the work here. Unfortunately for us, no one has answered that call, although several have been kind enough to consider it. With the many times we have been given the answer "no" to our prayer for children, I feel as though it better prepared us for hearing "no" again to our prayer for a second family joining us in Korea.

Yet another reason for feeling the 'loneliness.'

Well meaning listeners have offered to video chat, and we appreciate the gesture. But, after one particularly discouraging conversation, we backed off of video chats since we need all of the encouragement we can muster. We already feel alone in this work, and to have someone inadvertently  make us feel ridiculous for being exhausted in it, was more than I could handle at the time. So, admittedly, I avoided seeking out video chats, and thankfully most people were so busy it did not seem to effect anyone. I licked my wounds long enough to get over it and remind myself that I did not choose to become a Christian because life would be easier and free of pain or frustration.

I did my best to focus on the passage in Romans that talks about the 'beautiful feet of those who bring the gospel of peace.' But, in all honesty, by the end of 2018 my spiritual feet were not feeling all that beautiful. Instead they were covered in dust and grit, and were well past presentable in my tattered sandals. I was in great need of a spiritual pedicure, if you will. Thankfully, the brethren provided us with a trip home in December to see loved ones. Getting to hug, kiss, play with, and talk to family, friends, and brethren was the deluxe pedicure treatment this soul had been craving.

Some of our Korean friends were surprised by our long trip of 3 weeks, but it was barely enough to hold me over until next year. Between the expense; the 15 hour flight; and the 15 hour time difference resulting in some serious jet lag, 3 weeks in not that long. For the Koreans, travel is so quick and easy to most places. Within 1-2 hours they can be in another country for less than $200. This results in a culture that travels often for short periods of time. Plus, they are usually traveling to experience a place, not to see family and friends. So, it's no wonder that a 3 week trip seems long to them. However, having literally hundreds of people with whom we wish to reconnect, there just is not enough time for this homesick girl.

Although I long for more time, I am incredibly grateful to God for granting us safety; the brethren for their generosity; and to our loved ones who sacrificed time and energy to be with us. It was a helpful reminder that we are indeed not alone. We enjoyed many encouraging conversations. Every single hug lifted me and strengthened me, as dear ones voiced their love and support. However, the most meaningful conversation I had was with a woman who understands how it feels to wear the tattered sandals of foreign work, sister Debbie. Deb's hug, for me, was one of understanding. We looked at each other and sighed a knowing sigh. She proceeded to listen and then shared her experience and encouragement. It makes me tear up to think about that moment...that moment that I was not alone. I was understood.

Even as a child, I remember no greater frustration than being misunderstood, and I am the same today. For me, being understood is connected to my feeling of worth. My sister, whether she realized it or not, granted me a feeling of great value during those few moments of conversation. Thank you Debbie. Thank you Father for Debbie, and I pray that everyone has 'a Debbie' with whom they can feel understood and connected.

After our time in the states, I feel as though my spiritual toes are now sparkling with fresh polish. Most assuredly my feet will gain rough spots again, and my pretty polish will chip and wear away. But I am beyond blessed to know that until these feet get to rest in heaven, I have the blessing of going home for a spiritual pedicure.

Are your feet beautiful?
Or are they in need of a spiritual pedicure?

Cheers!