Behold...my stuff

So, whenever Bradley asked me if I would consider moving to Korea, I had so many thoughts running through my head. Just like Cambodia, we never planned to move to Korea, but unlike Cambodia, we did not have nearly 2 years to prepare for such a move. The congregation asked us to be ready as quickly as possible, preferably within 2 months. Even though I had moved my life overseas before, 2 months would be stressful for a local move, nonetheless an international one. We were able to push our move date forward a few weeks, but I still felt at a loss as to how to pack up our life in such a short time. It felt as though we had barely stretched our legs after the flight from Phnom Penh, and here we were taking off again.

The upside to having been stateside for less than a year was that we had not had a chance to unpack our life completely. Most everything stayed in boxes for our first 6 months in the states while we bunked with our brother and sister-in-law. Once we relocated into our Dallas apartment, I had the task of locating all of our possessions, as our stuff was in 7 different locations - yeah, it was insane, and I do not recommend it for anyone! You live, you learn. Next came sorting through the many boxes, bags, and crates. I was amazed at how some things had held together, and other things looked as if they had been stored unkept for a century. Finally, I began repacking our assests for our next move, which we thought would be Denton. As some of you may know, our plan was to open a coffee shop with a unique component that would allow Bradley to utilize his talents, while we began the process to foster and hopefully adopt children. We hoped this business would allow us to someday assist with a foreign work either financially or personally... someday... like 5-10 years down the road. Silly me for making plans again!

Back to the undertaking of sorting. This project may have looked a little different had I known we would be leaving the country in the very near future. Still, since I had so recently sorted through our stuff I had a better idea of what I wanted to take with us. Since some friends in Korea had helped us look at apartment options, we had a pretty good idea of the type of place we wanted. Thus began the frantic and less organized packing process for our international relocation. Unlike Cambodia, I had requested that we have our stuff shipped to us. We still filled our suitcases, but instead of building and buying everything once we arrived to our new home, I took comfort knowing that my stuff would be coming to us soon. As a Christian, I know that stuff is physical, with no place in the afterlife, nor spiritual assistance in this one, but as a human, there are certain things that bring me comfort. Call me a Dharma Finklestein if you will, but my mood and peace of mind is greatly effected by my environment. I believe a lot of women are this way, hence the term "bachelor pad" referring to an often less cozy and inviting space. I am willing to fly all over the planet if my husband and Lord need me to do so... just please let me have some of my stuff, okay?

When moving across town, or even state to state, you can pretty much throw everything in boxes and still survive. For the most part, you can begin unpacking as soon as they arrive at your new home, and if you have labeled your boxes, then you can find anything necessary. Plus, if you really need something before you can locate it, you can always grab it from WalMart or Target. However, an international move, as I have learned, requires a little more precision. You have no guarantee when you will see your stuff again, nor do you know where you can purchase it in your new foreign home... assuming it is even available. With so little time and so much stuff, I knew I needed to be extremely organized in order to accomplish everything. Thankfully, one of my super powers is that of organization. HaHAAA! Taking a lesson from our first international move, I got to work immediately by creating groups. Some things would be stored, others shipped, packed for the plane ride, or donated to Goodwill. To help myself and Bradley in those moments we were stuck on what to do with an item, I created 3 group titles: Shipping, Packing, and Tasks. Each card had a statement to help us make a decision if we were unsure since such a decision can become slightly difficult at 2 in the morning. Although our 590 square foot apartment was tight, I managed to create 3 sections to sort all the boxes, furniture, et cetera. In anticipation of life being crazy during all of this, it was important to me to maintain a comfortable sleeping space in the hopes of preserving our sanity... or at least mine since Bradley handles the idea of change better than I do.

These cards were placed with their
corresponding sections.

Proof that we can get rid of stuff.

Our living room became the warehouse.

The packing station was in our bedroom.

Sweet retreat at the end of each
packing day. *sigh*

For the most part I was able to be optimistic that we would be ready come moving day, but some days I fought with an overwhelming sense of anxiety, barely able to focus on a single task. My hands were packing and storing things, but my brain was still trying to process the fact that we were moving out of the country again. I did not want to leave my friends and family again. I had just gotten them all back, and we were already saying goodbye. The night before the Uhaul was scheduled to arrive, I was packing in the kitchen, wrestling with a storage container that simply would not fit in the box, and that was the straw that broke the camel's back. Thankfully, I have a patient husband, and some amazing friends. Marissa and Krista responded to my "911" text to help us move the following morning, and I was able to get some sleep. With their help, and the assistance of a friend we had made in our apartment complex, we were able to finish packing and loading the Uhaul truck. We then proceeded to deliver everything to the warehouse where Sam would prepare it all for shipping. My mom and step-dad met us at the warehouse since some of the stuff in the Uhaul was for storage. They were kind enough to let us borrow some of their property to assemble a storage unit for our possessions.  It was a long day, but somehow, thanks to friends and family, we survived.

After dealing with our stuff, I can honestly say that I see the wisdom in minimalism, not that I ever saw it as foolishness. But, 'stuff' definitely makes you less able to pick up and go, and when your goal is to serve the Lord however He needs you, just the thought of a never-ending pile of boxes can be a deterrent. This entire process has taught me to be more diligent in my purchases, and less concerned about holding onto things that are not currently blessing us.

This was the beginning of our shipping process, and oh what a process it became! We could not have anticipated some of the ups and downs, but it is rarely the easy things in life that make for interesting conversation, right? And yes, I will be sharing our journey in the near future. It took over a year for us to finally be able to say "behold... my stuff!"

If you could only take 1 unnecessary item with you to a foreign land, what would it be and why?

A Sense of Community

Whenever we moved to Cambodia I was overwhelmed. Everything was so different in the 3rd-world 'Kingdom of Wonder' compared to my familiar, 1st-world homeland. On the other hand, 1st-world, technologically-advanced Korea was a much easier transition, which in turn meant that our discoveries were less mind-blowing. This ease gave a rise in my mind to the false sense that my friends and family back home would find this country less interesting. I mean, people here have food, electricity, education, and a public transportation system to be envied. Could any of this be intriguing? After watching a few travel episodes with Rick Steve, I was reminded that any differences in culture, lifestyle, and landscape is interesting to most. So, I decided to start with housing.

The Korean language is not as possessive as American English. For example, instead of saying 'my house,' they tend to say 'our house.' This applies to other things as well. This is most likely due to the cultural view of self within the community. Although it is not a socialist country, there is a sense of focus on the whole society, and how every individual affects that whole. I mentioned this in my last post, where I discussed the difference in how each of our cultures view weddings and hospitality. Their view of community has also helped to shape the style of housing in this beautiful country.

South Korea is slightly smaller than the size of the state of Virginia, but with a whopping 51+million population. By comparison, California, our most populous state, has almost 40 million occupants. That’s a lot of bodies in a small area, especially considering that over 70% of this country is covered with low mountains, that for the most part are uninhabited. This would be a problem for some cultures, but not for the sharp Korean mind. Since they do not have the capability to build out, they have taken advantage of their vertical space. Building up is the obvious choice, but they have even built down, into the earth, capitalizing on this unused space for parking and such. So, although a small part of the population lives in individual homes on land varying in size, most Koreans live in apartments or villas. Apartments here are more similar to our condominiums in America, as they are mainly mortgaged, not rented. Korean villas are closer to our apartments, but that is for another post.

Our dear friend and Korean teacher, whose English name is Michelle, was kind enough to let me take pictures of her apartment complex. Welcome to the Zenith Apartments, or better known to taxi drivers as "Doo-seon apart-uh."

As with most complexes here, a group of buildings are clustered together to create a mini city. Each building has its own underground parking garage, as well as a decent-sized parking lot at ground level. Although Korea has an extremely low crime rate, they still believe in security. Each building is equipped with an electronic buzzer system. If you have the code, you can enter the building with ease, or simply enter your friend’s apartment number to ring them. Once inside, you can proceed to the elevator, or if you are desirous for some exercise, the stairs stop at every floor of this 48-story building. We chose the elevator since we had been riding our bikes around town this particular day.

Parking garage for Michelle's building.

So many floors = so many buttons!

Michelle escorting us into her home.

On each floor of this building there are 6 apartments. On average, each apartment usually houses 1 family comprised of 1 to 3 generations. Usually, this type of apartment will have 3-4 bedrooms; 2-3 wet rooms and/or bathrooms; a central living room; a kitchen (typically small in comparison with American kitchens); and a laundry room and/or sunroom. A wet room is one where the shower is open to the entire room that includes a sink and toilet. There is no bath, and traditionally there is no shower curtain or divider. Often a pair of foam or rubber slippers are provided in case the floor is wet. Since wet rooms are more traditional, water splashed about the room is common. Although it can drive this American a little crazy, the Koreans are quite at peace whether the room is wet or dry. Most of the newer homes in which we have been have bathrooms with standard size bathtubs, but still without a curtain or divider. My favorite part of Michelle’s home is her view.

Sweet Michelle had prepared salmon sushi for us! She knows it is one of my favorites. No need to worry moms, Aunt Michelle is taking very good care of us... even spoiling us some. Afterwards we enjoyed a game and the massage chair in her comfortable living room.

Once we step out of Michelle’s cozy and welcoming home, there is still more to be explored. As I mentioned earlier, these complexes, especially the ones built this century, seek to provide everything tenants would desire to form a mini city. For some activity outdoors, there are several playgrounds, a walking track, an outdoor gym, a water pad for kids during the summer, and a path around the whole complex that allows a peaceful walk to enjoy both God and man’s creations. 

Within the management building you find a daycare, a small library, study rooms for students, an indoor golf course, and indoor gym with state of the art facilities. At one of the entrance gates a convenience store, a few shops, a small academy, and my favorite lil' grocery mart are all open for business, ready to provide for your needs.

Daycare from the outside.

Daycare entrance office.

Perfect size library for this "mini city."

Shh!

Just one of the holes available.

Sweat, glow, and live strong.

Such a cute corner!

I have decided that Korea's sense of community is one of my favorite qualities that defines this country. In general, they do not have to try hard to think of the village surrounding them. It is simply a part of their culture; they recognize they are a piece of the whole. My American individualism has been tested to transform, and I am enjoying growing beyond myself. I feel like it has given me a peek into how the first-century church worked and lived together as a whole. We are doing our best to think of the whole as we shine the light of Jesus and gain a better sense of community.

A Lesson in Cultural Differences

Recently Bradley and I had the privilege of attending my brother's wedding in Los Angeles. It was a beautiful affair, and especially touching for me to see Byron unite with his tenderhearted bride. On this trip, I had anticipated exhaustion from travel; excitement and anxiety from helping with the wedding; and much joy derived from precious time with family. One thing I had not counted on, however, was that of a lesson in cultural differences.

Last year in June, Byron visited us here in Pohang, and as he always does, he made a few friends during his short stay. One of them is our dear friend, Jung Oo. So, whenever Jung Oo discovered we were traveling to the states for the wedding, he invited himself along. This was the first part of the lesson, as we were unsure how to handle someone inviting themselves to another person's wedding. I assume this difference in view stems from our different world views. The Korean culture comes from the world view of community: most cultural rules, practices, and traditions are based on what is best for the community as a whole. They believe the individual is more greatly enriched if the community is benefited, as opposed to the American mindset that the community will more greatly benefit if the individual is enriched. As I have seen the downside to both of these views, I reason the truth is found somewhere in the middle. Regardless, where a wedding in America is a celebration on a personal, individual level, a wedding in Korea is a celebration for the community. This slight difference in views yields different practices. Thankfully, Byron and his bride were completely understanding, and they accepted Jung Oo's invitation to their wedding. Haha!

Bradley and I were relieved to have dodged a cultural bullet, and proceeded with planning, packing, and traveling to the wedding. It was a blessing on this side of the ocean to have our Korean friend to help in the airport, and we were happy to return the favor stateside. Aside from the 1 1/2 hour wait for our foreign friend to make it through customs, there were no hiccups during our 18 hours of travel. Byron met us at curbside, and the wedding week began.

Enjoying the Promenade.

Although we did savor some American treats and do a little sight-seeing, most of our time was spent preparing for the 'big day.' When he had decided to come along, Jung Oo was excited to visit Universal Studios and other 'hot spots' with us. We quickly and gently informed Jung Oo that we were not traveling as tourists, but for the purpose of focusing on and helping Byron with his wedding. He was welcome to do anything that he pleased, but we were going to be at my brother's disposal for the entirety of the trip. I was quite relieved when he said he understood, as Koreans love their travel! I was worried this would cause some disappointment or frustration on his part, but thankfully this was not the case.

One evening after a day of wedding preparation, we all decided to take it easy and enjoy sandwiches while watching a TV show. My mom pulled out all of the sandwich fixins', and after giving thanks for our food, we all proceeded, in turn, to make our sandwiches. Jung Oo was standing around, and it dawned on me that he might not know how to make a sandwich, given the American sandwich is almost non-existent in Asia. I quietly suggested to Bradley that he assist Jung Oo with his meal, but before Bradley could do so, my mom kindly offered. With this, our Korean friend became frustrated and declared to Bradley, "no. You do it!" He was evidently upset, and we were all unsure as to the reason. Both my mom and I tried to help, but Jung Oo was insistent that Bradley be the one. So, we all tried to focus on the show instead of the uncomfortable situation in the kitchen. After eating his sandwich, Jung Oo left for the hotel without saying much. We were all concerned, but unsure as to what to do. Bradley called him to see if he was okay, and if he wanted to join us in a board game. He declined and said he wanted to stay in the hotel. The only thing we could figure was that we had unintentionally embarrassed our friend since he did not know how to make a sandwich, but it was only a guess.

When Bradley and I returned that night to the room we were sharing with Jung Oo, it was evident that there was still a cloud hanging above our friend's head. We did our best to give him room, while making it clear we were available if he decided he wanted to talk. The following day he was finally able to move past his feelings and share what had been weighing on him: our lack of hospitality.

Before I go any further, I need to make it clear that for our friend's world view and cultural experience, he did nothing wrong in this situation. In his realm of understanding, Bradley and I were in the wrong. Let me explain:

Cultural differences go beyond the holidays, clothing, and daily rituals. They extend deeper: to our way of thinking. Simple things like hospitality, niceties in public, sleeping arrangements, physical affection, respect versus disrespect, signs of a close relationship, and more all come back to what we view as right and wrong. However, every culture has its own view of what is right and wrong in all of these areas and more. As a Christian, my actual right and wrong are laid out in biblical principles, but as an American, my "right and wrong" are, in actuality, opinions that have been taught as rules. For example, in Asia, it is disrespectful for a young person to look an older person in the eyes if they are being reprimanded. It is viewed as a challenge to authority. This "right" way is viewed in the complete opposite way in America. It is seen as dismissive if a young person does not look the older person in the eyes, and is therefore disrespectful. That's a HUGE difference in a way of thinking; the complete opposite in fact. Both customs are reaching for the same goal: respect. And yet, the process of attaining this goal is the exact opposite. Having lived in two Asian countries now, Bradley and I have learned our fair share of "rights" and "wrongs." Since honoring all people is a biblical principle, we have always striven to be respectful of the cultural rules and practices around us. In this way, I truly appreciate and understand Paul's struggle to 'become all things to all men,' as it is not an easy feat at times. However, it does give us the opportunity to show Christ's love in a way that is unnecessary whenever you are in your own country. To follow common and familiar customs is not difficult, but to recognize and observe unfamiliar customs takes a great deal of effort and focus. I think this is one of the reasons foreign work can be so exhausting. When you spend every moment on the street trying to avoid doing what is considered rude, and doing what you remember to be considerate in your current culture, it can wear you out mentally.

Okay, so back to the story.

In Korea, hospitality is one of complete service given by your host, not waiters. Tipping is unnecessary and even at times offensive in Korea. They believe in a job well done, regardless of the pay. For someone like me, this is a dream. If I need something, someone is available to help me, but if not, I will not be bothered. This is another difference from American culture where the tip depends on how well you are served during your meal. However, since Korean hosts are charged with serving, the waiters are less involved. It is customary that if you invite someone to eat with you, you will pay the bill. If you were invited, they pay. (This changes once you have established a relationship with friends, as you can share the cost of outings, if desired. However, in my experience so far, trade-offs are more popular: "I'll pay for the movie tickets. You pay for the snacks.") Not only do the hosts pay for the meal, they also order for their guests, with the greatest concern being that their company be at least comfortably full, if not uncomfortably full, at the end of the meal. They ensure the guests comfort within the allotted space, such as asking for temperature adjustments if needed. They put food on your plate for you, as they eat communal style with shared main dishes and small individual plates. One hostess even went as far as to spoon feed me.

Yes.

You read that correctly.

I was spoon fed... in public... by a woman who I had only met once before... all in the name of hospitality. Some foreigners love this servitude. They enjoy the pampering and feel cared for with all of this attention. I am one who struggles with it. Usually at a gathering, I am the one who seeks out a job or a conversation so I can feel a sense of purpose. If I am being spoon fed, I feel quite worthless, and the independent part of my personality feels caged. Not to mention that I am not too fond of being the center of attention.

Now, hopping over the Pacific to our homeland, like in Korea, hospitality does mean service and caring for your guest. However, the way this goal of service and care is met, is quite different. Now, being a melting pot, America does have various cultural practices, and I think that yields a culture of people who are, in general, less strict in their views of 'right and wrong' concerning hospitality. In general though, hospitality means providing for the needs of your guest. A good American host ensures their guest has food available to them, a comfortable bed, as well as anything they need to take care of themselves. The service is more in the providing rather than the doing. (To my knowledge, in America, spoon feeding is reserved for infants.*wink*wink*) Specifically for Bradley and I, hospitality in our home also reveals a level of trust. If we are close enough to someone, they are invited to treat our home as they would their own. They can rummage through the fridge, take a snack from the pantry, and even make themselves a sandwich if they so desire. We would not allow a stranger this level of access to our home, and even with new acquaintances there is a period of time where I would prefer they not be in my kitchen. However, if you have earned my trust, then mi casa es tu casa!

This intimate level of hospitality is what we were demonstrating to Jung Oo, yet his world view saw this act as a lack of hospitality. My family had gone so far as to pay for his hotel stay, some of his meals, provide a mode of transportation, and Bradley and I had helped him with reserving and purchasing his airline tickets. And yet, our difference in defining hospitality had brought about this misunderstanding. We were hurt that he considered us inhospitable, and he was hurt that we cared so little for him that we had neglected to feed him more attentively. Who knew a sandwich could cause so much trouble?

Thankfully, after some discussion, Bradley was able to remind Jung Oo that we were not in his country. We were in America, and the customs are different. Bradley briefly explained the differences in our cultures, and our friend realized his misunderstanding of our actions. Both apologized, and Jung Oo said that for the first time he could comprehend some of what Bradley and I deal with on a daily basis in Korea. For us, it was a relief to have him come to this realization. Not only for the sake of peace being restored, but it is a comfort to know that in the future he will have a little more patience and compassion for us whenever we mistakenly offend, due to the difference in American and Korean practices. Even though we had an unpleasant miscommunication, in the end it drew us closer to our dear friend. Overall, the trip was a great blessing for us.

Rehearsal dinner photo opp.

The send-off for the gorgeous couple.

This is not "the" sandwich, but I had to share. Haha!

My take away from all of this is that the reality is the only true right and wrong comes from God's word, not a person's world view. However, it is quite helpful to realize that a man or woman's world view shapes how they think about everything. Hopefully the knowledge gained from this experience will help us share the gospel more effectively in Korea and everywhere. Although I have deciphered a lot about thinking outside of my culture, this incident has brought to light just how much I have yet to learn. I pray I can exhibit patience, humility, and kindness each time I am presented with a lesson in cultural differences.

Cheers!

A Spiritual Pedicure

Hello again!

It has been a long time since my last post. There have been a dozen times that I have sat down to write a new post, only to give up in frustration. This was not due to writer's block or not having anything to say, but rather most of my thoughts were negative, and I feared they would discourage instead of encourage. Writing allows me to vent, but I always try to come back to "will this glorify God?" So, over the past year, I have walked away from my computer, feeling defeated by my own bitterness. Oh Brandi, you bitter brat.

To boil it down, although I do not feel 'lonely', I do feel alone here. To convey this conundrum to those who have not been in my shoes is difficult. It's not as though I'm crying myself to sleep at night. I have friends with whom to laugh, play games, and visit. However, there is still a lingering loneliness that exists whenever you are doing a foreign work, because you are often alone in your faith. The feeling is compounded when there are no other Americans who understand the cultural part of who you are. It's no wonder I've had a greater struggle here than I did in Cambodia. Oddly enough I did cry myself to sleep there, but that was specifically due to missing the two boys I used to nanny, "my boys," Zach and Max. In Cambodia our small but solid group of believers included an American brother and sister who understood our cultural frustrations. We actually had fewer friends in Cambodia, and yet I didn't struggle with this type of loneliness. So, why am I faced with it now?

Well, when your husband works a full-time secular job, and both of you are the only ones available to make contacts, demonstrate hospitality, develop relationships, and conduct studies, you can wear down pretty quickly. The weight of being alone in your faith increases rapidly.

So, that's one reason that explains the 'loneliness.'

Then, there's the language barrier. Always the language barrier. This was an issue in Cambodia too, however we had a believing brother who was a full-time translator/interpreter. This gave us assurance that the truth of our meaning was fully conveyed. In Bradley's studies here he has come to realize that some of the biblical meanings have not been fully disclosed or correctly translated in study materials, and even in parts of the Korean bible...or at least one of the versions of it. This means that a study that would take roughly 30 minutes with a native English speaker takes at least twice as long, but usually three or four times as long. Even with our Korean lessons, it would probably takes us several years before we would have enough understanding of the language to ensure the meaning is being fully conveyed. Even though we are not discouraged to the point of giving up, it does add to the weight and daily frustrations of the work. Again, a feeling to which most of our loved ones and brethren cannot relate.

Another reason for the 'loneliness.'

Originally, Bradley took a secular position to relieve funds back home in anticipation of another family joining us in the work here. Unfortunately for us, no one has answered that call, although several have been kind enough to consider it. With the many times we have been given the answer "no" to our prayer for children, I feel as though it better prepared us for hearing "no" again to our prayer for a second family joining us in Korea.

Yet another reason for feeling the 'loneliness.'

Well meaning listeners have offered to video chat, and we appreciate the gesture. But, after one particularly discouraging conversation, we backed off of video chats since we need all of the encouragement we can muster. We already feel alone in this work, and to have someone inadvertently  make us feel ridiculous for being exhausted in it, was more than I could handle at the time. So, admittedly, I avoided seeking out video chats, and thankfully most people were so busy it did not seem to effect anyone. I licked my wounds long enough to get over it and remind myself that I did not choose to become a Christian because life would be easier and free of pain or frustration.

I did my best to focus on the passage in Romans that talks about the 'beautiful feet of those who bring the gospel of peace.' But, in all honesty, by the end of 2018 my spiritual feet were not feeling all that beautiful. Instead they were covered in dust and grit, and were well past presentable in my tattered sandals. I was in great need of a spiritual pedicure, if you will. Thankfully, the brethren provided us with a trip home in December to see loved ones. Getting to hug, kiss, play with, and talk to family, friends, and brethren was the deluxe pedicure treatment this soul had been craving.

Some of our Korean friends were surprised by our long trip of 3 weeks, but it was barely enough to hold me over until next year. Between the expense; the 15 hour flight; and the 15 hour time difference resulting in some serious jet lag, 3 weeks in not that long. For the Koreans, travel is so quick and easy to most places. Within 1-2 hours they can be in another country for less than $200. This results in a culture that travels often for short periods of time. Plus, they are usually traveling to experience a place, not to see family and friends. So, it's no wonder that a 3 week trip seems long to them. However, having literally hundreds of people with whom we wish to reconnect, there just is not enough time for this homesick girl.

Although I long for more time, I am incredibly grateful to God for granting us safety; the brethren for their generosity; and to our loved ones who sacrificed time and energy to be with us. It was a helpful reminder that we are indeed not alone. We enjoyed many encouraging conversations. Every single hug lifted me and strengthened me, as dear ones voiced their love and support. However, the most meaningful conversation I had was with a woman who understands how it feels to wear the tattered sandals of foreign work, sister Debbie. Deb's hug, for me, was one of understanding. We looked at each other and sighed a knowing sigh. She proceeded to listen and then shared her experience and encouragement. It makes me tear up to think about that moment...that moment that I was not alone. I was understood.

Even as a child, I remember no greater frustration than being misunderstood, and I am the same today. For me, being understood is connected to my feeling of worth. My sister, whether she realized it or not, granted me a feeling of great value during those few moments of conversation. Thank you Debbie. Thank you Father for Debbie, and I pray that everyone has 'a Debbie' with whom they can feel understood and connected.

After our time in the states, I feel as though my spiritual toes are now sparkling with fresh polish. Most assuredly my feet will gain rough spots again, and my pretty polish will chip and wear away. But I am beyond blessed to know that until these feet get to rest in heaven, I have the blessing of going home for a spiritual pedicure.

Are your feet beautiful?
Or are they in need of a spiritual pedicure?

Cheers!

A Joyful Purpose

What is my purpose? This question plagued me for the first time when I was 10 years old. The idea of simply living to go to school; pursue a career; marry; raise children; retire; and then die seems so empty and, well, rather pointless. Thankfully this question was answered for me when I heard the gospel. Aha! I do have a purpose. My purpose is to serve an Almighty Creator. Although there are many in life who can enjoy simply living, I tend to struggle and side with Solomon that "all is vanity." You live; you die; and what have you really accomplished? Okay, before you think this post has taken a deep plunge into the pit of despair, I must insist that I am fine. It seems to depress or worry others whenever I discuss this topic, but I can reassure you that I am feeling quite content at the moment. Actually, I am relieved as I am beginning to realize that part of my purpose is to continually grow, understand, and regain my purpose. Oh! The thinks I can think...

In moving to Cambodia, back to the states, and then on to Korea, I have come to stiffen at the question, "so what do you do?" Mainly because I will find myself floundering, thinking, what do I do? I have, in recent posts, touched on this frustration of mine, but I do not believe I had any resolution at the time. I feel differently now.

In our modern culture, the role of a wife is not generally addressed. You may be a wife, but that is simply your marital status, not who you are as a person. You are so much more...as if being a wife is not enough. Add the word "house" onto wife, and the title becomes unimportant, out-of-date, and a role fulfilled only by those who have little motivation, intelligence, or courage. Well, in 2014, I became a housewife, and it has been a struggle that I had never anticipated.

First of all, although I had always envisioned staying home with my children, working at home was not something I had foreseen before motherhood. As a nanny, I knew what to do with my time. My main job was to care for the safety and enrichment of the boys with whom I had been entrusted. At the end of the day, if those precious blessings were intact, it meant I had been successful, regardless of what other accomplishments I had managed or neglected. Some days I had a completed check list a mile long, and other days I was thankful to have survived. However frustrating the day, the boys were whole and well, and I had therefore served my purpose.

Cambodia did not offer me this obvious purpose. Occasionally I assisted with the Edwards' children, but in my home, I felt I had no function. I was, well, just a wife. Just a housewife. Having heard some of the negative comments our society has made about stay-at-home moms, I could not imagine what "they" must think of me, a plain, childless housewife. Due to this -let's call it what it is- fear, I grew anxious any time I was asked what I did for a living or how I spent my time. At first I leaned on the graphic design card, and would discuss the tiny business I had owned, in hopes that this would give me more accreditation in "their" eyes. Then I shifted toward artist, because after all, I did enjoy a variety of media, and it allowed me to be more than just a housewife. In moving back to Dallas, I was okay being a housewife, because it was with the intention of working toward opening our own coffee shop. In that shop I would again be effective. Between my talents with graphic design, decor, finances, organization, and personal relations, I would be of great use and benefit to my husband and our place of business.

Then came Korea. Once again I was searching for my purpose. Since Cambodia, I had gained a greater respect for my position as a wife, but I still felt that it was not enough. People asked if I would be getting a job in Korea, and I once more gave into the belief that being a wife was simply not adequate. A friend had passed my name onto a hogwan (the Korean word for a private academy), and I felt compelled to take a position teaching English. In taking this new job, we realized the need to bump up the date of our trip home. So, we hurriedly made plans and bought tickets to travel home and surprise our moms for holiday and birthday time. Amidst this planning, I became aware that at some point I had switched to auto drive. Afraid of doing something that was not within the Lord's will, I was avoiding making plans at all, and was taking whatever seemed to be sent my way. Bradley and I had a long heart to heart, and he reaffirmed his desire for me to stay home, although he had no intentions of making me stay home if I really wanted to take this job. What was I doing? I had no desire for this job; Bradley had no desire for me to take this job; our time with family and friends was going to be cut short because of this job; and yet, we were planning our life around this job. That day I respectfully declined the position at the hogwan, and we continued packing for our travel.

The following day I was feeling silly, and I said or did something to make Bradley laugh. Not just a chuckle, but one of those life-is-so-great-that-I-cannot-contain-this-joy-internally-and-must-share-it-with-the-world type of laughs. There was so much happiness in his face as he drew me in for a hug, and it hit me: this man's happiness depends on me.

Okay, okay, I know some of you are thinking, "well, duh!" But hear me out for a moment. A man is capable of taking care of himself. Barring any disabilities, he is able to do, think, act, and provide for himself without any help from any one. Sometimes jokes are made, but the reality is that a man is fully able to survive without a woman. So, then what is the purpose of a woman in a man's life? Logically speaking, I have read enough scripture to know that a wife is meant to help complete a man, and that the two together serve a purpose for God's plan. However, to actually take on that role is a whole different ball of wax.

It has now registered that I have had a purpose this whole time, but I was letting "them," or rather, my fear of "them" rob me of my peace in fulfilling my role. The hours I have watched Bradley stress, trying to complete the next step in the visa process; the frustrations he has endured in doing this work, essentially alone so far; the homesickness; the moments of uncertainty; the fears; through all of this, I have had the honor of bringing him joy. Yes, I have cleaned and cared for his body and home, but as noted, he is capable of doing that on his own, a part from me. The one thing he cannot manage without me, is the joy (or sorrow if I focus on the wrong things) that I can bring him.

This new perspective has changed my outlook entirely. Instead of bordering on shame of my position, I am proud to tell people that I am a housewife. Yes, from time to time I still have some hesitancy since there are those who will assume I am lazy, unintelligent, or lacking in some way. But, I am strengthened knowing that whether they see me as purposeful or not, my husband, and more importantly, my Creator does. In the world's eyes, there are a host of women much greater and more valuable than lil' ole me, but in my husband's eyes, there is no one of greater value. To know that my daily tasks, even the dull ones, allow me to serve a purpose greater than myself is mind-altering. I still desire to do other things, outside of being a wife, but with the understanding that none are more important. Since our children (Lord willing) will form their world views based on mine and Bradley's relationship, there really is nothing more important in my realm of servitude. Maybe in having children or with age, many have already come to this realization, but for me it is fresh and wonderful. I am relishing in this revelation; in this purpose. I am forever grateful to have a role in serving the Almighty through and with my husband. The little things may all be vanity, tripping me up at times, but my purpose in being a wife is a blessing; a privilege; a joyful purpose.

On the road again...

For those who may not know, Bradley and I have found ourselves in the great country of South Korea. How did we get here? I have no idea. I think I fell asleep, had a stressful nightmare, and awoke to find some of my luggage scattered about a somewhat familiar apartment. Was this a part of our plans? No. Did we desire to live abroad again? Not this soon, if ever. Are we happy to be in Korea? Like Paul, we are growing in our ability to be content, regardless of the state (or country) in which we find ourselves. We are finding the joys of this life change, and are again relieved to have technology to keep us connected to 'home.'

Willie Nelson has a song that expresses his desire to get on the road again, and I have always loved this song. My love for this song has more to do with Willie's voice, and the memories of listening to his music with my Mama (my grandmother). Personally, I have no strong desire to travel the world, making music, and going places I have never been. As an introvert and homebody, I would honestly be just fine burrowing into my cozy nest, wherever it might be, and only leaving for errands, worship services, and pleasant walks. However, the Lord has sent me down a different path than I had anticipated in this life. As a teenager, I had planned to marry an evangelist and travel to Russia, or some cold climate to assist my husband in sharing the gospel while we raised our five or more children to serve the Lord. Then, I married a middle school orchestra director, and was perfectly content staying on the same continent to share the gospel in our corner of America. This was a fairly easy adjustment. Discovering that at least for the time being, children are not yet a part of the Lord's plan for us, has been more difficult for this child-loving-type-A personality. With the Lord's strength, my husband's love, and the support of loved ones, this too has become something with which I have learned to cope.

Another curve ball was thrown when we were asked to move to Cambodia in the service of the Lord. Yet again, the adjustment to a new plan came, but only through a lot of strain and frustration. After enduring in vitro, the loss of our Bubble, and about a dozen failed adoption opportunities, the Almighty had better trained Bradley and I to better accept things not going according to our plans. Yet we were still met with disappointment as expectations were not met in the kingdom of wonder. Thankfully, though, the Lord was successful, as His church has found roots in the hot and pungent Cambodia. I am grateful for having had the opportunity to serve in that country, but when our time came to return to the states, I was happy to again be pursuing our dreams in entrepreneurship and hopefully adding to our family. Part of me wonders if the Lord shook His head as I set out to make our plans come to fruition.

Plans were underway for our coffee shop, and I was busy sorting through boxes of our possessions in order to downsize for the tiny house we hoped to build once we had the land for our business. We had just purchased my new computer in the attempt to craft Flirting with Fonts into the company I desired, when we received a call from the brethren in Edmond, Oklahoma. They were looking for someone to go to South Korea to help in the work there for a short period of time. From the moment we received the call, I began to stress, certain that my life was about to change...again.

The weeks leading up to our departure were not as enjoyable as they could have been since I allowed myself to worry about the less-than-certain direction of my future. Our trip to Korea was good for the most part. It felt familiar to be in a place where I did not understand the language around me. The Asian "flavor" was thick all around, but due to my time in Cambodia, no longer strange. Between the weather and the pedestrian-friendly culture, I felt like I was in a version of San Fransokyo: Los Phnom Pehngeles. From the moment we stepped off the train in Pohang, it was clear there was a desire for us to move to this seemingly little, coastal town, and during our third week, the formal request came from the Edmond brethren. We were torn. Our personal desire to live near family, open our coffee shop, and pursue adoption was so strong. Yet, the vision of judgement day, and souls asking us why we did not come felt stronger. Ezekial 33:1-6 comes to mind, and the image is too real in the spiritual realm to ignore. Although I was young, I still remember what it is to not know the Lord, and I hate to think of any one being in that position. I thank God for the 'watchman that blew the horn' for me, and I hope to do the same for everyone I meet. The request was for us to move to Pohang the first week of September. It was the second week of June. At that point in time, Bradley had already committed to a long-term substitute job for a director that would be on maternity leave during the first 6-8 weeks of school. After a day of fasting and prayer, he received an email that the director was leaving the school, and he would therefore no longer be needed for the temporary position. For us, the answer seemed clear.

Upon our return to the states, a whirlwind of packing ensued. After a minor meltdown, and an "emergency" call to Marissa and Krista for last-minute help with moving, Bradley and I were saying our goodbyes through tears and lingering hugs. Once more I find myself learning a new place, a new culture, a new language, and more. The task here is at times daunting, but I know that God is bigger than anything. He continues to work on molding the "I need to know the plan, and have the right answer" tendency out of me. I am honored that He finds me a worthy vessel for His crafting, and I pray that I will maintain the ability to be transformed into what He desires.

Before Cambodia, when asked our future plans, I could tell you what we would be doing in 10 years. After Cambodia, I felt confident sharing our intentions for the upcoming 1-2 years. Now, I simply answer, "I have no idea." We have not been established anywhere in over a year now, and selfishly, I am ready to be settled. I have found comfort in Proverbs 16:3, as we are doing our best to establish ourselves in the Lord, not in a place. So, although I hope we are staying put for a while, if the Lord needs us to, I am prepared to go on the road again.

A Full-time Part-timer

When we agreed to move to Cambodia, it was with the understanding that Bradley would do his best to secure a part-time position as a teacher, while reserving part of his time to use for church work. After having worked an average of 60 hours a week as an orchestra director, and lending his support to sharing the gospel with others whenever possible, this arrangement sounded like it would be less challenging for our household. In some ways it was less challenging, as it did allow us more time together, but although enjoyable, it was strange to have Bradley home several days a week, especially with my being home full-time. As I had worked full-time our entire marriage, it was odd to suddenly have us available to one another so often. However, his availability was so random, that it was sometimes more difficult than we had anticipated.

Not long after settling into our flat, Bradley was blessed with a job as a music teacher at a prominent school in Phnom Penh, and we were so thankful for the opportunity. The upside was that his work hours would allow a decent amount of freedom for bible studies, travel, and other church needs. The downside was that a routine would be tough to grasp. The school worked on a 6-day rotation with a 5-day work week, and each of the 6 days had a varied schedule. This meant that not only was every work week unlike another, but for 3 of his 4 semesters, his class times fluctuated, depending on the day. For some people this situation might have been a breeze, but not so for us. It is completely in my nature to yearn for and function well within a weekly routine, and Bradley does best with a daily routine. Well, each semester and summer we were abroad, presented us with a new schedule, which meant that neither of us were going to get what we wanted. We had to work hard to face our minor dilemma, and unfortunately we did not always succeed.

Another challenge was that of Bradley's nature. I am so very privileged to have an amazing, hard-working husband who not only wants to work to provide for our home, but who desires to give his all to his employer. Unfortunately, this was the first time since college that he was faced with having more than one boss. Granted, the Almighty was less demanding on him having a set schedule than his principle, but he did not take any of tasks lightly. So often he found himself stressed, trying to fulfill his obligations to both jobs, but often coming up short in comparison with his full-time co-workers. As his wife, it was taxing to watch him go from one day struggling with too much time on his hands, due to a cancelled bible study or meeting, but then wishing he had more time the following day when class, a study, an unplanned meeting, and an after-school program all required his attention. He always managed to take care of business, but I know it was not without a great deal of effort. His example is one that both humbles and inspires me.

I had the honor of attending classes with him a few times during our stay over seas, and, well, I may have taken a few pictures...

Oh the lovely drive to work.

Getting his moto tagged by security.

This picture does not do the building justice.

I was always struck by the western interior of the

school. It made sense, being British, but it was still

strange to walk out of smelly, sweaty, impoverished

Cambodia into a chilly, clean, decorated environment. 

One of my favorite things about Northbridge was

how they made an effort to display their students' art.

A model of the finished site and buildings.

Back into the humidity as we head to the classroom.

Aww, aircon and fans... and instruments!

I love seeing him in one of his elements.

This is one of the many events with which Bradley assisted.

Again, I love the encouragement of the arts!

Another event that involved surrounding countries!

Bradley's group practicing for their performance.

That's a lot of teenagers...

So, we find ourselves back home, and yet Bradley is in a similar boat with being part-time on an irregular schedule. This time though, I do believe we are more prepared. Thanks to our time in Cambodia, we have learned a little more about ourselves, our limitations, and how to be most productive, regardless of our circumstance. Bradley is working nearly full-time at Method Coffee in Dallas (stop by - he'd love to see you), and will also begin teaching private bass and cello lessons for students next week. Since we will be moving again in another 1-2 months, I am waiting until we know where we are going to live before I seek employment. Until then, I am finding the happy, peaceful moments during this stage of transition, and growing in my admiration for my husband and best friend as he continues this stage of life as a full-time part-timer. Cheers!