Frustration

As I sit here, typing, I continue adjusting my sitting position; loosening my tense shoulders; straightening my back for the 500th time; releasing my locked jaw; all of it, over and over again. Today is one of those days. I would like to say that everyday I'm positive, cheery, and ready for whatever life throws my way, but, unfortunately, that would be a lie.

For the most part, I believe that I've done a great job of being the optimist in our American group. Often, where one sees a nasty bump in the road, I see a roller coaster ride; where someone hears a local laughing at their attempt to speak Khmer, I hear a group of friends enjoying a good story; when it's pointed out that the moto in front of us pretended to not see us, I assume they really didn't see us.

Well, sadly, today is not an "optimist" day.

Today I feel the weight of the culture around me. I am an outsider, and I am struggling to find the positive in that. I hear the hundreds of conversations occurring outside our windows, and I feel the frustration of the language barrier. I smell the trash that's been left too long to rot on our street, and I feel the frustration of the lack of civilization in the system. I taste the apple I bite into, only to realize that I bought the wrong ones, thanks to my inability to appropriately speak Khmer. I feel the sweat run down my back, longing for a day with a high less that 86 degrees. I see the half painted walls in our flat, waiting until I can finish the image alterations for some church work, and part of me wants to scream... even though it's my own choosing to decorate this place. Ugh! Bradley is feeling the frustration too, although in his own way, and this, of course, makes it all worse, as neither of us has the desire to be the peppy cheerleader for one another. Was it not just a week ago that we were happily celebrating 10 years, and this week we're striving to be civil?

Okay, you do not need to panic. We are fine, but this is something we deal with from time to time. I understand this is a completely normal part of culture shock, but that does not make it any less frustrating. Thankfully most of my days are enjoyable, and I go to bed feeling accomplished and gratified with my work for the Lord, my husband, others, and myself. Then there are those days, like today, where I wonder if I will ever understand this culture; if I will ever make a difference. Along with the culture shock, we are feeling homesick. We are missing family time and the annual New Year's Meeting with loved ones, which makes our hearts a little heavier right now. Another stress factor is our current lack of routine. Bradley is out of school for 3 weeks for the "winter" break. A lot of the expats (foreigners) fly home during the break to places that actually have a winter, which is the reason for the extra vacation week. Oddly enough, the holidays effect quite a bit here. I guess there are enough expats to cause this effect, and it has left a peculiar feeling in the air. Although I cannot fully describe the feeling, it is a cross between the energy of New York City, and the stillness on New Year's Day. This introvert is wrestling with the excessive vitality floating through the air, while Bradley is ready to bust through the stillness. Tomorrow, Lord willing, I will be able to return to my optimism, and today's frustration will dissipate. I wonder if Paul felt this culture shock at times during his mission work? It has really made me meditate on the greater shift in culture Jesus must have encountered when He came down to earth. It kind of makes me shutter. I guess I need to make that my goal: to handle frustration as gracefully as the Lord. If He can descend from Paradise, I can man up and deal with my pitiful frustration.

I enjoyed your responses last time, and I would love to hear from you again.

If you have lived, or are living abroad, what is your greatest frustration concerning culture shock?

If you have not lived abroad, out of the items I mentioned plaguing my senses, which do you think would most overwhelm you?