Fishing, Camping, and Seaweed

This past Sunday evening, Bradley and I had the honor of taking my little best friend, Zachary, for his first camping trip. He has wanted to go fishing ever since he watched Little Bear, and saw Little Bear fishing with Father Bear. Bradley and I thoroughly enjoy camping, hiking, and simply being outdoors. Neither of us minds getting our hands dirty, and enjoying God's creation is always a delightful treat. We're hoping this all comes in handy in Cambodia. Not that we're planning on living in a tent, but we're prepared for some camping excursions along the way.

All day Saturday was spent packing, and then with a dinner party that evening, neither Bradley nor I had put a lot of thought into where we'd be camping with our little guy. Lake Ray Roberts, was our fallback, but honestly wished there was something closer, that would still allow us to feel removed from the city. Since rain was in the forecast, we decided that our backyard and/or living room would be the back-up campsite. After Sunday services and collecting Z-man, we gathered our gear from home, and made a Wal-Mart stop on our way out of town. The necessary camping foods had been purchased, and I pulled up directions to Ray Roberts on my phone. We were on our way! With looming storm clouds and an hour drive ahead of us, we were anxious about being able to give Z-man an enjoyable first-time fishing/camping trip, but we pressed on... for 3 minutes. Then, lo and behold! A private, neighborhood pond, still somewhat secluded from city life, appeared on our left. Bradley and I jerked our heads toward one another, reading the same thought in each others' eyes, and he made a quick u-turn for the pond. Zachary was so excited. It was precious. We honestly expected him to cast once or twice, and then grow frustrated or bored and quit. However, something 'magical' happened. My sweet, but not-so-patient little boy stood, stoically, slowly reeling in his line, over and over again. He eventually became frustrated that he wasn't catching anything, but was relieved when he discovered we had not hooked his line yet. He threw his bobber a few more times, and then we tied on his hook without bait. We weren't hoping to catch any fish, as Zach was wanting to eat any we caught, and we were pretty sure this pond was meant for catch and release. It began to sprinkle, but Z-man was determined to catch something. He was growing a little discouraged when, suddenly, he felt a tug on his line. Bradley and I nervously thrust our heads over the fence of the dock, wondering how we were going to tell this child he couldn't keep his catch. Then relief came. He had caught some type of water plant. Both Bradley and I were a little worried Zach would be upset by his accidental catch, but to our surprise, he lit up as he exclaimed, "I did it! I caught some seaweed!" You would've thought the child had reeled in a 50 pound bass. He was so thrilled, that he cast several more times, in an attempt to catch more seaweed. We were ready to throw the 'seaweed' back, when Zach asked if we could cook it over the campfire, and eat it. {YUCK!} So, of course we said yes.

Fishing off the dock

Right before he made his big catch

We piled in the car again, hoping our hour drive would help Z-man forget about the seaweed snack, and again pressed on... for 2 minutes. Then, lo and behold! A blue camping sign with an arrow appeared on our right. Again, our heads jerked toward one another, in shock. We pulled into the check-in office to inquire about this unexpected possibility. The sprinkling had increased to rain at this point, but Zachary still wanted to camp outside, in a tent. We were blessed with a site where someone had just departed, having left 3 large logs burning in the fire pit. We began to set up our home front, and with a tarp and rain fly, we were able to transform a rainy mess into a cozy evening. Hot dogs, Cheetos, and marshmallows were on the menu, and Zachary was kind enough to remind us about the seaweed. I tried to explain that it wasn't like the seaweed we eat on sushi, but he was determined to dine on his catch of the day. Salted and cooked, Z-man took a bite... and that was the end of that. The rest was thrown into the fire. ;o) We enjoyed the rest of the night with games, books, and blessed sleep.

Cooking dinner, undisturbed by the rain

Thanks Bradley for setting up our shelter!

A mouthful of s'more

Thank you Zach. We could've imagined what

it looked like without you showing us. ;o)

Night time glow

Words before this picture, "I'm not sleepy yet."

Angel face. *sigh*

It rained through the night, but was perfect camping weather the next morning. Campfire breakfasts are one of mine and Bradley's faves.

The guys let me sleep in a little, but were

ready to eat when I crawled out of the tent.

Thanks Timo for the chair!!!

Fire is so mesmerizing.

Me and my boy!

All in all, it was a great trip. Pretty great camping for being only 5.3 miles away from home! I'll treasure these memories forever, and from now on, seaweed will always bring a smile to my face. Man I love that kid!

One is not the loneliest number...

A while back, Debbie E. had told me she would be praying for us in our work, as it's a lonely road. She said she wouldn't change what they've done, as it's been an invaluable blessing, but, for us, fears the seclusion missionary work often delivers. As an older, godly woman, and an experienced wife of a missionary, I tucked her words away for safe keeping. I didn't expect to need those words again until I'd arrived in the foreign land which will soon be my home, but here I am, pulling them out into the open. I had not anticipated her advice ringing true before leaving American soil, but the solitary feelings have already begun. There's a song from the late 60's entitled, "One," and it's opening line is, "one is the loneliest number that you'll ever do." As an extroverted introvert, nothing is farther from the truth. Solitude is sweet relief when you're someone who tends to struggle with saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. When I'm alone, no one cares what I say or don't say. No one is offended or upset by anything I do - it's great! ;o)  The thing that is difficult, is when you're alone in a crowd. I've always said, that for me, one of the loneliest places can be a room full of people. For true extroverts, this may sound insane, but if you're an introvert, you probably understand me perfectly. The 3 times Bradley has left the states to travel for mission work, I felt the desire for isolation, or very small groups, preferably 4 or less. The reason is due to the realization of how alone you are in your situation. When either no one, or very few others have experienced the trial you're enduring (regardless of severity), you almost feel as though you have no connection to anyone. Hence, the loneliness of being in a room full of people. Bradley and I often felt tinges of this during our infertility trials, but are now feeling it even more so. Both Bradley and Jonathan have tried to explain to me that a detachment process has to occur for us, and those in our lives, but that doesn't make it any easier to experience. My personality, in most cases, handles detachment quite well, but not when it's a drawn out process. UGH! This whole "count down the weeks, days, hours," stuff is for the dogs! It's weird trying to comfort and hang on, while trying to release and let go. I guess the Lord is wanting me to grow in this area, as it's not one of my strengths. And just what "area" do I mean, TRANSITION. There's that yucky word again. I may not have always handled everything with grace,  but I've never handled transitional times with grace. I tend to be a black and white personality, in most ways, which is probably why this gray area of "this is no longer my home, but Cambodia isn't my home yet either" is biting me in the butt. I am thankful to be moving with 3 of my best friends, but right now, we're all experiencing different emotions at different times. So, again, we're back to one. It helps me, in those moments when I start going all pity-party on myself, to remember that Jesus dealt with A LOT more loneliness than me, especially in a room full of people. I'll do my best to follow His example, but I'm not doing so hot thus far. However, it's such a relief and blessing to know that I'm not truly alone. I just have to keep praying and reminding myself that my heavenly Father is always here with me. Thanks to Him, 'one' is not the loneliest number.

The Prolonged Goodbye

With many prayers under my belt, last night I told my precious Zachary about our move to Cambodia. In some ways it went better than I expected, but it was definitely more emotionally taxing than I'd anticipated. I knew it would be difficult, but I had no idea how much it would overwhelm me right now. I knew that my last day with the boys would be horribly emotional, but as I had been more worried about Zachary's emotional state, I hadn't fully prepared myself. Although my dad and I have a good relationship now, as an abandoned child, my greatest fear and pain has always been to leave that feeling of abandonment with anyone else, especially a child. Looking into his innocent, precious eyes, while explaining to him why we were moving was the hardest thing I've ever done. It's carried over into today, as I recall every little moment. His tears; his questions; his statement of wishing it was "2 weeks instead of 2 years"; and the final heart-ripping moment when he curled into my lap to fall asleep, like he used to do when I'd rock him to sleep everyday. He hasn't done that since he was 2 years old. I hummed the same songs I used to sing to him during those precious moments, as I was unable to get the words out without tears. I remember Vicky D. one time recommending that you take the time to rock your children to sleep because one day you'll wish you could. I'm so grateful for her words of advice, and that I took it to heart with my little Z-man. Those peaceful memories will remain in my heart forever.

This past weekend we attended a camp meeting in Tyler, TX, and some of our family became emotional as it hit them that our departure is drawing near. My MIL said it correctly when she announced that the prolonged goodbye has begun. We had so much encouragement from everyone who spoke to us, as well as comments of cautious concern for our safety, and the emotional state of our family, especially that of our mothers. Several have commented along the lines of, "I don't know if I could let my children do what you're doing," or "I would simply be a mess if my child was going across the world." Well, as gently as I can say it, our moms wouldn't 'let' us go if they didn't recognize the greater cause, and I feel confident that if the day comes for you (if you're one of the moms striving to empathize with our mothers), that you too, would be frustratingly proud that your child would desire to do such a work. If you come across our moms, please don't ask how, simply commend them and let them know you're praying, because although they may hold it together in public, their knees are sore from seeking His wisdom as they work through their emotions.

Wisdom. Such a small word which seems unattainable in some ways. I've been asking the Father for this quality ever since I was 12, and will continue doing so until I no longer need to ask on this side of eternity. These past few months, weeks, and especially days, I am longing for any and all wisdom He is willing to send my way. As I sit here, struggling with the empty feeling of leaving my little boys, I keep approaching His throne, asking for His strength and guidance, and so far His supply appears plentiful. I know He can care for Zachary and Max better than I, or even his parents can, as none of us are immortal, and that thought is keeping me going. I'm also so overly blessed to be going in this modern time, where I can look forward to connecting with them as I see their little faces on Skype, and through photos on social media and email. I hate goodbyes. Of course, I don't know that anyone much enjoys them, but I have to work hard at saying them because I'd rather sneak out and not deal with all of the pesky emotions. Don't worry though, I won't be doing any sneaking on this trip, which is why it is so difficult. If you know me at all, you'll most likely know that I'm not a cryer. I may be very open with my thoughts and life in general, but I tend to be very private with my emotions. {As I sit here and vomit my emotional guts to whoever might decide to read this.} However, I've had so many ask me to share my experiences, and so, that's what I'm doing. As I was saying, I'm not a cryer, and yet I broke down when my cat reached up to love on me this morning. All I kept thinking was, "I'm abandoning you too!" Proverbs 12:10 has come to mind quite often, concerning Bitsy and Oscar. I realize that there are quite a few cat haters out there, but please try to understand. Although I'm sure they don't realize how hurtful their comments can be, some have mentioned simply leaving the door open for the cats to wander out, or just dropping them off in a nearby field. Maybe they need to be going to Cambodia instead of me, since it's easier for them to let go.  But alas, I am the one going, and therefore the one who has to sort through the emotions and details of leaving my comfortable life here for a new one in a new place. It's such a strange feeling to have both excitement for my new home in Cambodia, while dreading each day, as they draw me closer to leaving my loved ones. I suppose it's a similar feeling to not wanting to leave the comfort and love for this earthly life, while yearning for the excitement of the heavenly life to come. In summary, today, my prayer is for God's joy and wisdom to saturate my heart, as I cope with this prolonged goodbye.

The Beginning of the end

Welp, it happened. I had my final Friday with my little boys last week. I'm officially down to 3 days a week. Even though I've been seeing them less and less, this was the first time I was choked up about it all. Don't worry, I'm not about to share a sob story, but am genuinely heart broken about leaving my little guys. I've loved them; disciplined them; painted with them; taught them; fed them; fought the battle of the wills with them; raised them; and loved every moment. At a time when we couldn't have our own children, the Lord was extremely gracious in allowing me to borrow and nurture my precious little Zachary. My serious, logical, little Z-man, who loves reading and asking the most difficult questions about this life. Although he was enough to melt my heart, the Lord blessed Steve and Bev with another little soul, Max. A spunky, happy, and loving Curious George. This family was kind enough to share their blessings with me, and they'll never know how grateful I am for having had this opportunity. God knew I needed a band-aid, and He provided healing for my heart in the forms of Zach and Max. I still have 2 months with them, and I plan to take advantage of every moment. I'm so thankful for Skype and the plethora of technology that will allow me to keep up with these little stinkers as they continue to grow.

Ice cream date, just because. 

Yeah, I love my boys.

This weekend we were in Louisiana for the final Cambodia presentation. Jonathan and Bradley tag-teamed in two different locations, to ensure more brethren could learn about the great work we're about to embark upon. On our way to LA, we were blessed to spend a few hours with ABCP, better known as Aubrey, Carli, and Pierce. It was such a treat to just sit and talk with our sweet brother and sister. As June 12th draws nearer, every moment becomes more precious with family and friends. Bradley caught the cutest video of Pierce,  but it won't let me load it on here for some reason. Ugh! I'll try again later. Just enjoy their still life beauty for now.

 Bro-bro, Carli-tron, and Piercey boy

Once we arrived at our destination, Paul and Alvie were gracious hosts. They are Debbie's parents (she's from DCcoC), and look what fabulous and famous 90's couple we found...

Sunday I heard Bradley's wonderful lesson on The Reconciliation of Christ for the third time, and it's been better each time. We were blessed to spend a short time with the entire congregation in Monroe. It's been neat to see the reaction and excitement for this new work. Although it's been nice to be finished with the presentations, I'm already looking forward to returning with more exciting news from over seas. Jonathan, Marissa, and the kiddos have done a lot more travel than us, and I know they're relieved to be finished. Of course, for Bradley and I, travel is an opportunity to act stupid and make each other laugh. We stopped at Dairy Queen for dessert, and they had an advertisement for a blizzard in a dipped waffle cone. I asked the guy behind the counter if that was for real, and when he said yes, I was happier than a rooster in a chicken coop. Sorry, but the southern bug bit me over the weekend. I have the tendency to take on the accent of those who are around me, and well, I had to make fun of myself for how much twang I'd suddenly acquired. ;o)

Within the past few days, we've managed to handle most of our accounts, insurance policies, etc., as well as begin the rental process. Umm, did I mention we've found renters for our home!?! Yeah, God is pretty awesome. It's funny though. Apparently everyone has been concerned about us finding renters, but that was never really a worry for me. My faith is weird. I don't worry about the big things, like normal people, but rather, it's the little things that test my faith. My thought is, if God wants us to do this work, He's going to carve a way, and, well, there's no way we could afford to go if we didn't rent or sale our home.  However, there are all of these little loose ends that I have to make sure to tie, but thankfully, things seem to be falling into place on that front too. I still have way more piles and boxes of stuff all over my home than I'd care to discuss right now, but answered prayers for peace are allowing me to take it in stride. I know it will get done, little by little, day by day. Quite a few mixed emotions arise from each situation, but right now I'm pretty content. So, with my final Friday at work completed; the final Cambodia presentation finished; and the loose ends getting tighter each day, I think it's safe to say that the 'beginning of the end' has begun. Ciao!