I am blessed enough to be sitting in a fairly warm establishment called Panera Bread. I just finished a delicious bowl of mac and cheese, while enjoying the beautiful snowfall outside. Although driving through snow in Texas is not fun, I am still captivated by the peace snow brings to my soul. Watching it fall is similar to watching a fire burn. It's something you may have seen hundreds or even thousands of times, but you're still fascinated, unable to look away. You stare into the wonderful creation before your eyes, striving to focus on a single flake or flame, only to relent, and then mentally drift off with the many thoughts dancing in your head. I find it difficult to stress when I gaze into the cold wonder. As a former Alaskan, the snow is something sentimental for me. The crunch under your boots; the misty gray sky; the innate desire to wrap up and huddle near the fire. Snow is an excuse to behave like a child; to laugh while throwing snowballs or making snowmen; to crave hot chocolate and homemade macaroni and cheese; and to hope for a day off from school, schedules, and stress. Again, snow is peace. I caught a single snowflake on my finger this morning, and was amazed at the incredible detail. Before it quickly melted, I was able to see the tiny ice crystals. The individual formation, unique from every other snowflake falling around me, was nothing less than amazing. God is awesome in His attention to detail with even some of the smallest of His creation. As I waited for my food to be served, I browsed Pinterest for inspiration. A few years ago I would have mentally punished myself for indulging in such a selfish event, but not now. It's snowing, and I am blessed. This past Monday, I partook in a private bible study with some very dear friends. Some of these ladies and I have studied together for over 5 years, and they've grown very precious to me. I have learned so much about God's word, His desire for me, and His obvious love for me, in the blessing of every sister with whom I have studied. Together, we have shared heartaches, struggles, confessions, encouragement, scripture, and peace. These sweet friends helped me to see that "punishing" myself for doing things I enjoy is, well, for lack of a better term, silly. This idea may seem ridiculous to you, but in another life, I'm pretty sure I was one of those monks who beat themselves for simply being alive. {No, I don't believe in reincarnation.} I am simply trying to demonstrate that allowing pleasure without guilt has been a struggle for me. Watching a show was only acceptable if I was sick or doing laundry. I love reading, but until recently, have withheld that pleasure because I couldn't justify the time it took away from household chores. However, I will admit that staring at flames or snow has always been allowed.
I don't know, I'm weird. That's my only explanation for it all.
Thanks to my precious friends, I have been enjoying Pinterest while watching the snow, guilt free. As I searched the plethora of images, it dawned on me that I've actually been more productive since I started allowing myself to relish in little delights like this. I fancy myself a pretty logical thinker, but this "duh" moment is causing me to question my logistic intelligence. I've always understood the saying, "take time to fill your own pitcher, or you'll have nothing left to give to your loved ones", but only recently have I actually been able to apply it to my life. As I contemplate my move to Cambodia, the snow grows even dearer to me. If you are unaware, my understanding is that it doesn't snow in Cambodia. It swelters. It steams. It rains. But, it doesn't snow. So, this may be my last chance to experience winter weather for a few years, and I want to enjoy every minute. Some may be ready for the cold weather to hibernate, and others may simply see snow as a hiccup in the busy work week. But I welcome the cold fluff and the peace it brings to my soul. So, I'll allow the cold to warm my heart, and until spring tucks winter away, I'll continue to plead, "let it snow!"
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