So long, Farewell, Auf Wiedersehen, Goodbye

My last week and a half in Texas held a lot of final meetings with family and friends. There's more to be said for each one, but I'll briefly chronicle our exodus.

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• • • SUNDAY • • •

As I've mentioned before, I hate goodbyes. I prefer "hello again, sorry I didn't say bye last time we parted ways." However, with such an extended trip, goodbyes were necessary, and, in a way, pleasant. After Houston family, my sister, Tara was next on our parting list. Her family joined us for services, and then we visited over lunch at Chili's. It was a blessing to spend a little bit of time with her, Dustin, and the girls. Abby never fails to crack me up, and Ruby just melts my heart. Looking forward to hugging each of them upon our return.

Enjoying time with Tar-tar binks and lil' Ruby.

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• • • MONDAY • • •

Having moved around several times in my childhood, I don't have a lot of close friendships from my school days, but there is one sweet friend whom I admire and thank God for daily. Latoria to some, but Tori to me is a beautiful, godly-minded woman with whom I am honored to call my friend. We met in the 7th grade in Mrs. Bradley's Texas history class. As an average, scrawny, nerdy white girl who had a knack for putting her foot in her mouth, it only seemed logical for her and a tall, athletic, quiet black girl to become fast friends, right? ;o)  Well, in my short life, I've decided there all kinds of friends, but only a handful of "fast" friends. Tori is one of those. Our friendship was instantaneous, and has spanned over 2 decades now. We met Tori and Becca {another sweet friend} for dinner at Cheddar's, and I relished in the conversation, as well as my Monte Cristo sandwich!

Sweet Tori and myself before parting ways... for now...

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• • • TUESDAY • • •

Girls night! No pics though, sorry. Several of my closest girlfriends ordered pizza, set up a fondue station, and took time out of their schedules to spend one last evening with me and Missy. I am so thankful for my many friends, and so blessed to know such beautiful women, inside and out. You know who you are, and I treasure each one of you in ways I will never be able to fully express.

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• • • WEDNESDAY • • •

Another thing you'll find in my previous posts, is that I'm quite attached to my little boys, Zachary and Max, whom I've had the honor of raising M-F ever since Zach was 3 months old. Leaving your home country for a new one is daunting enough, but our relocation wouldn't have been as emotionally taxing had it not meant leaving my little guys. For my final date with the boys, I picked them up around 9, and we headed to one of our favorite destinations: the Frisco Commons splash pad. We were so excited to enjoy the water with the sunny, hot day before us, but as we pulled around, expecting to see water spraying all around giggling children, the splash pad was quiet and deserted. My heart sank, but only slightly, as I knew a day with my boys would be a blessing, regardless of the activity. Zach was slightly disappointed, but quickly recovered when I suggested playing at the epic park next door. This place is huge! It has a large play area for 3 different age groups, and the designers poured their heart into every detail. There are inspirational quotes posted throughout the park, which add to the whimsical feel of the fun, fort-like structures. We spent a few hours exploring, swinging, jumping, climbing, singing, and joyfully screaming just because. I soaked up every cheerful moment. Several times I struggled to hold back the tears, mostly due to the overwhelming feeling of love and bliss these two little souls have given me. Once we were nice and steamy, we loaded up to head to our ritual post-splash pad stop: Dairy Queen! Over a basket of steak fingers, we laughed and shared our favorite moments of the morning. Before heading home, we treated ourselves to some DQ ice cream treats. YUM!

Zach savoring his milkshake.

Max shamelessly making a happy mess with his ice cream cone.

The splash pad may have been closed, but that

doesn't mean we can't have a water party of our own.

Brothers and best friends.

I had a few errands to run during the afternoon, but I hurried over to give the boys one last hug and kiss. Thankfully, for all of our sake, I had an appointment for which I was running late, so a quick adieu was in order. One of my prayers has been for strength in letting go, and the Father seems to be answering that prayer with rip-the-band-aid-off goodbyes. My heart is bigger and better as a result of having known Zach and Max. In my heart, they will forever be "my boys." I love you sweet boys! If you have your little ones with you, give them an extra squeeze, and count yourself blessed beyond measure.

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• • • FRIDAY • • •

While packing, I had to say goodbye to a lot of earthly possessions, whether for good or for a while. One of those items: hair products. I am sure most women understand my pain.

I had to condense my entire hair products and accessories

into this single bag. Nothing more can be said.

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• • • SATURDAY • • •

Sometimes goodbyes are interrupted with a hello.

A little after 5am Saturday morning, I received a call from my BIL, Timothy. I answered the phone to hear an elated shout, "we're having a baby!" Now, my cup already overflows with the gift of family, and God hasn't disappointed with my in laws by any means. I know that in America it can be rare to have a close family, but even more rare to have that closeness extend to your in laws. Well, meet the Ballards. I have a wise, gentle father-in-law; a fun-spirited, giving mother-in-law; 2 incredible brothers-in-law who desire to serve the Lord wholly; and 2 precious sisters-in-law who are better sculpted into what I need in a sister than I could have personally ordered from the Creator Himself. For some reason, the Lord has been gracious enough to add to our bounty with our nephew, Pierce, and He was now going amplify our love again with Shepherd. My sweet sister, Krista, asked me to be there to help her during her natural labor and delivery, and I was beyond honored to be requested at such a private and personal event. Although I felt like all thumbs during most of the birth, it was an incredible experience I'll cherish forever. Since I was a child I have been obsessed with pregnancy, labor and delivery, and babies in general. As we've struggled with infertility, this was my first, and possibly only chance to be apart of the joy of birth. I've witnessed it by video many times, but I think it goes without saying that in person, with someone you love so much, witnessing a new life emerge is, well, there are no words. Krista did amazing, as I had expected. She was one of the most dedicated, committed expectant mothers I've ever known, and it paid off, as her entire labor and delivery was under 9 hours! Timothy was a marvelous coach and husband. He was so excited, and so focused. I was impressed by both my brother and sister, during this stressful, yet joyful experience. Shepherd didn't want to come into this world in the normal manner. He felt it would be more interesting if he crossed him arms, in order to increase his girth to 17 1/2 centimeters. Poor Krista! Alas, prayers were answered, and everyone went home healthy and exhausted that afternoon.

Aunt Brandi got to snuggle with this little man

while daddy and the midwives tended to mommy.

First time to meet Uncle Bradley!

At this point I was already feeling surreal, but adding the birth of my nephew to the list made me feel like I was living in a dream world. It was so strange to feel so many emotions, and yet still feel numb. My appreciation to TK is felt deeply, and I hope they have an inkling of an idea of how much I love them.

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• • • SUNDAY • • •

Our last service with the brethren at DC was bittersweet. I think it was a blessing that I was so dazed, since it allowed me to quickly hug and leave. Our congregation has gone above and beyond in their support for our move and stay in Phnom Penh, and even though "thanks" is not enough, it'll have to suffice. Just as I'm anxious to see what the Lord has in store for our growth here in Cambodia, I anticipate many good works from the DC brothers and sisters. We love you guys!!!

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• • • MONDAY • • •

Final dinner with Bradley's family.

Let's just say there were many tears. Two elegant prayers were led by Timo and dad, as we sat in a circle, linked hand in hand. None of us wanted to say goodbye, but due to the greater cause of following the Lord, we managed to part ways. Bradley and I have commented numerous times that we don't know how past missionaries did this kind of work, as we're extremely blessed to have technology to keep us close in this day and age. Skype may not be as wonderful as a hug, but it sure beats a handful of letters posted 5 months back.

Lil' bundle of happiness

B-b-b-b-bad, bad to the bone...

Yeah, I'd be in love with my reflection too, if I was this cute. ;o)

I just want to kiss those sweet little lips!

Precious how you can see the glow of love

and godly pride on each of their faces.

Children's children are the crown of old men, and

the glory of children is their father. - Proverbs 17:6

I think one of my favorite moments was as Bradley and I drove away, mom came over to the car to grab our hands just one last time. As children, mom would always send the boys off with her final encouragement of, "remember who you are." Through tears Bradley remarked, "we'll remember who we are." Mom was unable to respond, but I know she appreciated the sentiment and thanks wrapped up in that short phrase. Everyday we're striving to remember who we are.

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• • • WEDNESDAY • • •

Final breakfast with my mom and Steve.

Phew! By the time we made it to this ultimate farewell, I was slightly an emotional wreck. Crying freely in public is very rare for me, but I had a difficult time gaining control of the tears after one of mom's comments. I knew the emotions were real, but I also knew that the combination of stress and exhaustion had caught up with me. Both mom and Steve were very kind and understanding. Mom came back with us to the house, both to help, and to take our car back to her place for the next 2 years. If it had not been for her and Peggy, I don't think I would've made it with my sanity intact. Thanks to mom, I was able to make it through our last day without losing it again. She's a cryer, but was able to hold it together for my sake. Thank you mom. Love you.

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The remainder of our days in Texas held a lot more departures and stress than we'd anticipated with packing up our homestead. Trying to fit 2 years worth of living into 4 suitcases and 2 carry-on items is challenging, to say the least. With the help of friends and family we were able to pull it together. Now, I'm not saying we pulled it together splendidly or without a sacrifice to our sleep schedule, but the necessary tasks were completed. So, with roughly 12 hours of slumber over a 4 day period, Bradley and I set out to begin the next chapter in our life: Cambodia.

Houston Crossroads

When Bradley and I first committed to the work in Cambodia, it seemed somewhat easy to say "yes", as it was, at the time "later." However, the future came more quickly than expected (as it normally does), and we found ourselves playing the role of beheaded chickens. Although our desire was to bring our kitty-babies with us to Cambodia, we knew it would be safest and healthiest for them to stay in the states. My mom offered to take Oscar, labeled "the nice one." Black and lanky, Oscar is very loving, and has dog-like tendencies. He'll stretch out on his back and sleep with his feet in the air. As a kitten he simply wanted to be friends with Bitsy, our fluffy, grey ball of sassy. However, Bitsy would have none of this friendship thing because anyone willing to steal, in her mind, rightfully allotted time with mommy and daddy was no friend of hers. Oddly enough, Bitsy is the one who will warm up to children faster, and is more likely to come out for some love when we have company. The problem lies within the fact that Bitsy wants to be the only pet. Bradley and I chose a cat for our first pet because we knew our lifestyle, at the time, would be unfair to a dog. So, since cats are so self-sufficient, and just need a little loving here and there, we brought Bitsy home. Well, we found the one cat in the world who not only desires to be the only pet, but she demands time...or else! So, we had a more difficult time placing Miss Prissy Pants, but Bradley's Granny in Houston came through for us. With stress increasing and time decreasing, we had reluctantly decided to forego a trip to Houston. Then, with this news, we had to quickly rearrange our schedule to find a day to drive Bitsy down to her new foster home. I knew we wouldn't have time to make our rounds in south Texas, as we have quite a bit of family, so I sent a mass text to Houston family, requesting their presence for dinner on our way back home.

Our visit with Granny, Bradley's Uncle Gil and Bradley's sweet cousin, Dorothy, aka Dotti, was very pleasant. Both Granny and Gil reassured us that they would take care of our high-maintenance fur baby, and so we left her in Granny's room while we went to lunch. After lunch with Granny, Dotti, and little Sebastian, we returned to find Bitsy in the exact spot we left her, 3 hours earlier! She hadn't moved. Her eyes still wide as quarters; her face burrowed down into her kitty bed, obviously petrified of what might be lurking on the other side; and her little foot still hanging out of the bed. I felt horrible, but knew we had to press on. I explained to Bitsy that this was her sacrifice for the Lord's work, but for some reason I don't think she really cared to be an involuntary martyr. Oh, and did I mention that there are 4 other cats and 3 dogs residing with Granny? Yeah, if Bitsy lives through the next 2 years, she's either going to be the biggest sour puss ever, or she'll be so overly joyful to come home and have only 1 other companion with which to contend.

After our goodbyes, we made our way over to meet with the rest of our Houston family at Pappasita's Mexican Grill. This was the first time, aside from our wedding, that our families came together. It was such a blessing to see each of their faces, and hug their necks. Although Aunt Kathy and Uncle Marvin were unable to join us for dinner, we met her at a gas station off I-45 to say goodbye. My cousins were unavailable as well, but besides that, we had the whole crew show up for the fiesta. I soaked up every minute with each of them. I am so richly blessed with family and friends!

Service road farewell with Aunt Kathy

First to arrive: Uncle Bo and Aunt Becky

Unlce Bo (Unc Jis) has always been one of my heroes.

Next in line, with a bag of goodies: Aunt Kim and Doc

As a pre-teen, I adored her every move, and some of my

greatest family memories include her fabulous laugh attacks.

Me with my little brother and baby sister

I guess they're not so little anymore...

when did that happen!?!

My dad and Dede. I wish we'd had more time, but am

thankful I had the opportunity to hug their necks again.

Uncle Randy, Aunt Kathy and Caleb arrived after this last photo, and we somehow got away without taking one with them. :o(

Even though our round-trip to Houston in less than 24 hours was exhausting, it was very much needed time with family. We caught up on life, laughed, and simply enjoyed being together. That day in Houston several roads crossed, and Bradley and I are thankful we were the beneficiaries of their intersection. Thank you sweet family for taking the time to wish us a bon voyage!

What packing has taught me...

The monotony of packing can beat you down some days, but mostly I've enjoyed it, as much as you can enjoying packing. Some have wondered how packing could take so long, but when you're having to decide what to keep and what to sell, it can be difficult... for us. Since we'd never planned to do mission work to this extent, we have quite a bit of furniture and stuff that we've collected, with the intention of keeping it all. Once we made the decision to go to Cambodia, we were very careful with our purchases, but we'd already made a decent stock pile at this point. It's also different from moving to another house down the road or in another state. I won't see over 75% of my stuff for 2 years. That means that simply writing "kitchen" on a box isn't going to help me much when I'm trying to find the measuring spoons upon our return. Plus, I don't know where Bradley will be working, or if we'll be keeping our home. Two years will fly by, in a sense, but it's also a long time to try and guess where you'll be in life. Then there's the case of trying to keep storage costs as low as possible, which means being very conservative with space while packing. Between that and labeling each box more specifically than I'd normally do, packing can consume quite a bit of time. While I've devoted most of my free time to packing, Bradley's spent most of his finishing house projects. So, I've compiled a list of things that packing has taught me. They are the following:

1) Bradley and I have too much stuff.

2) You can pack too many heavy items in a large box...

3) Trying to condense a 2-story home into 2 suitcases is quite a challenge.

4) Space Bags are amazing for storing clothing, but not for storing children. Did you know this? I was in the middle of stuffing sweaters into a bag, and discovered this label on the Space Bag:

For some strange reason, children don't pack well in these bags. Of course, it doesn't really matter for us, but I haven't the foggiest how the Edwards are going to manage storing their children for the trip. Oh well, their problem to solve.

5) A home isn't defined by the items found in it, but rather by the people. I'm thankful for this, as that means that our "home" is coming with us.

6) I am able to function when everything around me is out of place. {It's not preferred, mind you, but I'm getting pretty good at overlooking the piles of stuff to focus on the clean and tidy kitchen.*sigh*}

7) Finally, we are blessed beyond our deserving. We've had so many friends and family come help us with packing, painting, hammering, scraping, stuffing, prepping, staining, moving, storing, and more. To those individuals who have used their time off to assist us in our move, thank you. Your act of service and love means more to us than we can verbalize. I've been so busy when we've had helpers, that I don't have a picture of each person, but hopefully this one will suffice:

Thanks Pierce!

In conclusion, I will leave you with a packing poem.

Packing, packing, all the day

Packing, sorting, give away

Label, label, marker dry

Label, shake pen, one more try

Taping, taping, all the while

Taping, add box to the pile

Hoping, hoping, almost done

Hoping, yearning for some fun

Craigslist, Craigslist, everything

Craigslist, all but wedding ring

Typing, typing, one more post

Typing, hungry, eat some toast

Stalling, stalling, something new

Stalling, something else to do

Baking, baking, something good

Baking, use up all the food

Packing, packing, yet again

Packing, will it ever end?

Hope this leaves you with a smile. Ciao!

Let's go fly a kite...

This past Sunday was my going away party - from Zach and Max. :o( 

Steve and Bev were wonderful, and I couldn't have asked for a better "send off" than they provided. With that said, it was still rough. I had bought gifts for the boys, as they'd done for me. After dinner, the boys opened their presents: 2 dvds. The first one, Happy Together - Veggietales, and the second,  Mary Poppins. I also had a special gift for Zachary: my stuffed dog, Frisco. He was a present from Bradley when we were dating, and anytime he's gone out of town or out of the country, I'm not ashamed to say I've snuggled with Frisco to keep the blues away. So, I told Zach that anytime he missed me, he could hug Frisco tight and know that I was thinking about him too. For those who don't know, Bunny is a BIG part of Zach's life. She has been his stuffed friend for his lifetime, and when I explained Frisco to him, he commented,"maybe Frisco can take care of me when I can't find Bunny"...that meant a lot. Frisco is by no means a replacement for Bunny, but it's felt really good to see Zach carrying the both of them around, wherever he goes.

Then it was time for my gift. I had prepared myself for the latest Iron Man toy, as I knew Zachary and Max were picking out my present, but Beverly had steered them in a more "girly" direction, thankfully. ;o)  I opened a small gift box to find a charm bracelet. I'm not a big jewelry person, and have never really been into charm bracelets, necklaces, etc., but, I'm a changed woman. {Well, to some extent.} It's amazing how when the gift is given by two little people you adore more than air, it's the best gift you ever hoped to receive. Dangling from the beautiful silver chain were 3 simple charms, and I love each one of them. Zach explained each one, as I'll do now, almost in his words.

The pizza is to make you think of Max.

Because he likes pizza so much.

The kitty is for me because I love your kitties.

And cats make me think of you.

Then the heart was prompted by Bev, with one

side bearing the name "Zach."

And the other side inscribed with "Max."

I am so thankful I will get to carry my boys with me, and although I'm not usually sentimental about things, this is one gift I hold dear to me heart already. Next to my wedding ring, it's the most precious piece of jewelry I own. As if that wasn't enough, Steve and Bev had constructed a fun and beautiful video of the boys. Yes, the tears were flowing, along with a painful smile and laughter. Anytime I miss my babies, I'll be able to watch the video while wearing my bracelet, and maybe they'll provide some comfort. All in all, it was a decently happy occasion, and this family will never know the depth of my gratitude for not only allowing me into their lives, but for giving me a precious piece of their hearts. My heart is bigger and better for having know them, and I thank God for bringing us together.

Mary Poppins was a favorite in my childhood, but it has a much greater meaning, now, in my adult life. Although I'm not Mary Poppins, and my story isn't the same, I've always loved what she stood for: fantastical structure. She provided rules and safety for Jane and Michael, while ensuring fun, and instilling a positive outlook on life. That's been my greatest desire as a mother, but as I've not had that privilege, I have been blessed to share this with Zach and Max. When I gave them the dvd, I made a movie date with them, and they accepted. Tuesday we popped some popcorn, shut the curtains, made a couple of forts, and settled in for our show. Zach was wanting to know when Mary Poppins was going to make her appearance, and once she did, he was glued to the screen. It was precious getting to watch them take in the experience. As Mary Poppins hung the mirror she'd pulled from her magical carpet bag, Zach turned to me and said, "next to you, Mary Poppins is the 2nd best nanny in the world!" I, of course, burst into laughter, but was extremely honored to not only be nominated for "world's best nanny," but to have beat out Mary Poppins! 

Movie forts for grand debut of Mary Poppins.

Max, after his umbrella number had ended.

Zach with Bunny and Frisco.

I had not realized how many songs from this movie I'd held onto over the years, but several times during the show, Zach exclaimed, "hey, you've sung that one to us before!" Max begged for an umbrella, and danced with Bert, Mary Poppins, and the rest of the gang. Then the final number came - my favorite: Let's go fly a kite. I've forever treasured the moment when Mr. Banks finally realized that his family was more important than money and status. When he finally crafted a kite to share with his children... there are no words. When we went to see Saving Mr. Banks, the tears streamed down my cheeks during the scene when this tune was performed. There were so many emotions revealed by the characters and creators, and personally for me, the beauty of an adult delighting in walking into a child's world is priceless. I couldn't help thinking about Zach and Max. Their parents have allowed me to build a kite for these boys, and I've enjoyed every moment we've been able to fly it together. Although the wind has changed directions, I'll hold onto our kite until the end of time.

Lasting Impressions

Wow! Okay, so a lot has happened since my last post. Good and sad. I'll go in chronological order to be sure I cover everything. I've grouped these separate occasions together because each of them has something to do with lasting impressions. Everyone makes an impression on me. Whether it's the guy walking his dog in our neighborhood, the cashier at the store, my friend across the table, or my husband. The impressions are all different and vary, but the fact that each individual stands out to me, makes me want to do my best and be my best always. I often fail, but I hope that my lasting impression will ultimately be a positive one. One that leaves no doubt who I am, what I stand for, and that I love and appreciate each and every soul God has created.

Two Fridays back I joined Bradley on his final Soaring to the Symphony event. Four years ago, my husband came up with a brilliant plan to not only allow his students the occasion for added culture, but to also enhance their life skills. His school is within walking distance of a DART station, and with his networking skills (passed down from both of his parents), he was able to set up a wonderful evening for his young musicians at the Meyerson Symphony Center. So, for the past 5 years, with chaperones and students, we've made our way to the train station, hopped on, and enjoyed an evening of dining and instrumental entertainment. Before hand, Bradley sets up a demonstration with both the DART and one of the musicians from the Dallas Symphony {BIG THANKS to Ashley at the Meyerson for all of her assistance with the meal and tickets!!!}. His students learn appropriate dress, behavior, and safety when using public transportation. This year I had a wonderful group of girls! Holly, Kate, Kathy, Keeana, and Xitzel are beautiful young women, and I was privileged to be their orchestra 'mom' for the evening. All of the young men and women were dressed beautifully. 

I don't have a picture, but this year, after the concert, we were able to go back and shake hands with the maestro! Bradley arranged it, and several of the students looked like they were going to burst or pass out with excitement. It was adorable to see their true love and appreciation for the art of music. I am so proud of my hard-working husband, who is a HUGE reason why they love the art. It was sad to say goodbye to such a fun and beneficial tradition, but I have no doubt that this annual event has left a lasting impression on many, if not all who have attended. I am honored to have been apart of Soaring to the Symphony. Farewell Perry Eagles, and I pray that you all soar to your highest height!

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Another bittersweet moment was Bradley's end-of-the-year concert. Every moment was precious, as we knew it was our last with this talented group of students. If it wasn't emotional enough already, Bradley's assistant director, Eric, wrote an amazing piece of music in memory of his father. It is entitled Lasting Impressions, and to top it off, Eric commented that it was fitting for the evening, as Bradley has left an impression on everyone he's contacted from his colleagues to his students to the parents. So, the piece had a double meaning for the evening, and it brought most of us to tears. Bravo Eric. Bravo. It was an awesome experience for the students to have the opportunity to accompany Eric on the piano, as well as to see the beauty of music at it's full potential: an expression of the heart, soul, and mind. Several of the young ladies were sobbing to the point of not being able to see, but they all kept playing. It was extremely moving, and I will treasure the moment forever. I told Bradley that many teachers have left and moved on over the years, but not many have the majority of their students crying at the thought of their leaving. He has been gifted with one of the largest hearts I've ever had the privilege of knowing, and I feel confident that God needs his heart in Cambodia.

For the final piece, Bradley began another tradition five years ago. The last piece at the end of the year concert is a movement from Holst's Jupiter, and all alumni are invited back to play with the current varsity orchestra group. Twenty-five, that's right, 25 of his alumni returned for this piece, and 5 were bass players {Bradley's instrument of choice}. There were 8 basses total, and it sounded amazing! Out of the 25, five of the students are seniors, and we were so honored that they had the desire to be a part of this final send off for their beloved director. After the song concluded, Bradley hung his head, trying to hold back the tears. At first, the only movement was the applause from the audience {it was a packed house with standing room only}, and then the concert master, Kathy, sweetly trotted over to Bradley and wrapped her little arms around him. Then one by one, the students flooded around their teacher.

There were a lot of proud moms that night, but I feel confident, none were more proud than Bradley's. She started him on this road to becoming a musician, and what a path he has made! I am humbled by the thought that I am married to such a man, and that I have been granted the chance to be a member of the Perry Orchestra family. Thank you to all of the young men and women, to the parents, and especially to my better half for allowing me this opportunity to fly alongside each of you. Bradley, I hope and pray that I can be the wind beneath your wings.

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Packing your life up makes you reflect... a lot.

Trying to sort through what you need, what you want, and what can wait until you return has been one of the greatest challenges through all of this. Preparing my household for whatever the future holds is kind of crippling, if I allow myself to dwell too much. So, I keep moving and packing. However, every once in a while, I stop to dwell. As I was working on my office and reading corner, I came across some old photos. Precious photos.

Coming from a broken home (I mean no disrespect to my parents), one of the very few blessings is that you end up with more grandparents than the average child. I had 9; 4 grandfathers and 5 grandmothers. Because of life and distance, I am closer to some than others, but I love them all. The downside to having so many grandparents, is that you have more to lose. I was extremely blessed to avoid a personal loss until I was 23 years old. I received a call that Grandad had been taken to the hospital, and they'd found spots on his lungs. 2 weeks later, he passed away from a brain tumor. As a teenager I have many fond memories of sitting with this man in his living room, listening to the endless stories of living on a farm in Leveland. We shared laughter, stories, and old shows together. Since he was crippled, my Meme was the one who had to work to support their household, and Grandad's love for her dedication to him has always stuck with me. I got to know my Grandad in a way that I think many don't; he was my friend. In some ways he was my best friend. I can still hear him laughing at Tim Conway, and I remember the two of us watching hockey, talking and routing for our team. He'd eat his Blue Bell ice cream with bananas, and I'd soak up every tale he had to offer. I still wonder if he ever knew how much I loved him.

My next loss was that of my Grandpap. Unfortunately, I didn't get to meet him until I was 18 years old, but I am so thankful for the time I had with him. The land and homestead he built is only a part of the legacy he has left behind, and I will be forever grateful to have hugged and loved such a man.

Aside from my mother, if there were ever 2 people who left a lasting impression on me, in my young childhood, it was my Mama and Papa. They not only spoiled me, as grandparents should, but they helped instill a confidence within me that led me to be the woman I am today. I've always said that every little girl deserves to have a Papa like mine, and for some reason God blessed me with him. Every time I heard their voices, in person, over the phone, or recorded, a feeling of complete comfort and love came over me. When the call came that Papa had a brain tumor, and that hospice had been called in, I hurried down to snatch whatever time I had left. It's amazing how love makes you disregard the machines and everything surrounding the one you admire. I sat there, holding Papa's hand, making sure he knew I loved him more than I could express, and his response, "I love you too sugar. Now, go tell Mama to put some money in a bag for you. I don't need it anymore." My response, "Papa, I don't want the money. I want you." He smiled, and closed his eyes for a rest. I'm thankful that although he'll never know the vast influence he's had over my life, I was able to tell him how much I loved him. He is the reason I knew I was worth marrying someone like Bradley.

After Papa's funeral, I told Bradley I was worried about Mama. I didn't think she'd make it without Papa. A year later, her body was laid to rest. There are so many things that make me think of Mama. Home cooked meals; gas ovens; almost any 70's decor; elevator type music played in grocery stores; and the list goes on. My cousin and I used to fight over who would get to ride in the front seat of the grocery cart because we wanted to rub the soft skin on Mama's arm. Although Mama didn't play with us like Papa {he was known to get in trouble for being a big kid - one time he used a McDonald's tray to slide down the slide} she was always there to listen. I'll forever miss her smokey, southern accent.

A month after Mama passed, Grandma Rosey breathed her last. I don't have any pictures of her, but I am grateful to have had her in my life. It had been many years since we'd been a steady part of each others' lives, but I will treasure the memories.

Why? It's so easy to ask "why" when we lose a loved one. But I choose to ask why me? Why was I so blessed to have had such wonderful, loving people in my life? The only answer I can find is God. He knew I'd need these precious souls, and although I don't deserve to have had them, I'll give my thanks. Their influence, their love, is the definition of lasting impressions.