Barefoot and, well, not pregnant

Barefoot in the Park is one of my favorite movies. I've always fancied the notion of being a newlywed housewife, setting up her home front, while enjoying the newness of love. Aww, corny, but true. Well, I'm not as young, or as newlywed as Corey (Jane Fonda), but here I am, preparing to be that housewife, setting up my home front in a new land, while enjoying the comfort of faithful and ever-growing love. However, I have not felt as carefree as Corey appears to be in the movie. I had no idea how difficult it would be to quit my job and come home. I'm not only referring to the emotional expense of leaving the boys - I knew that would bite beyond reason, but rather this guilt which has arisen because I will no longer be contributing to our bank account. Most of my friends have either never been the bread winner for their family, or if they are/were, they've quit their jobs to stay home with children. Well, I have no children. So, what can I offer an "empty" home? The stress of this very thought was getting the best of me. Thanks to Bradley {and a few other sweethearts}, I was reminded how important my job is at home, with or without children. Where I've been focusing on what I won't be contributing, they reminded me of what I will be giving to my family. {Soap box moment: Yes, Bradley and I are a family. Whenever people ask if we've started a family, I say "yes, when we said 'I do'." Children do not make a family, they are wonderful additions to an existing family. I don't believe a couple stops being a family b/c all of their children have started their own families, but rather, I believe in the family God created when He united Adam and Eve. As you cannot read the tone of my voice, please know that I say this with gentility, not sass. Okay, I'm done.} Bradley shared that his desire for me to be home is selfish, in a sense, because he doesn't want to have to figure out if he has enough socks or milk for the week. He loves coming home to dinner on the table and a less stressed wife. He cannot wait for me to be able to fully commit myself to my business {Flirting with Fonts --> my graphic design company}, and our home. Honestly, even though I know Bradley's a great guy, I was a little surprised to hear him say all of this. Since I enjoy being unique, I'm always shocked whenever my inner, unknowingly, engrained American-culture shows up in my views.  I've always been a huge advocate for the significance of women staying home, and here I am being the hypocrite. Good ole Miss Liberty snuck her ugly head in, and somehow implanted this perception that my worth will be less once I leave the work force. That crowned stinker. Funny how we're supposedly free as Americans, and yet we still try to cage each other with socially accepted concepts. This week I'm working on fully embracing the role of a wife, and I'm kind of liking it... a lot. My husband is happier; I'm less stressed; more is being accomplished in my household and for my business; and somehow, amidst all of the Cambodia prep, I'm getting enough rest. Although I'm not sure how this is happening, God probably has a little something to do with it all {I've been tugging on His ear quite a bit lately}. Maybe the blessing of pregnancy will come someday, but tonight I thank God for giving me contentment in the state I am in... barefoot, and not pregnant.

Transition and Teeth

The last few weeks have flown by, and several times I have attempted to sit down and blog. Then something happens, it's past midnight, and well, I don't care anymore about anything other than sleep. Now, one month ago, I received an email that made me slightly nauseous. It was entitled: Itinerary for Cambodia flight from LA. For the first time in all of this, it really hit me. I. am. moving. WHAT!?! Although I am a little ashamed, I'm not going to lie, I had a mild panic attack. All I saw was the plethora of home repairs, administrative tasks, and boxes upon boxes of things to be done before the impending move. Then I saw all of the faces of everyone I'll have to hug goodbye for a little while. Ugh. So, yeah, I kind of freaked out. My oh-so-patient husband gently reminded me to hand it over to God. I did, eventually, but not before trying to figure it all out at that very moment. You know, because one can solve every problem in their world in a matter of 25 minutes. Yes, pity and pray for Bradley. I keep telling everyone that I need prayers the most out of the four of us. People think I'm joking. I'm not. Usually, I adjust well to change, but the transition before the change...um...well...not so much. Jonathan would give away his lifetime supply of bread in order to make this move (if you know Jonathan, you know that's a big deal); Marissa is such a faithful, go-with-the-flow type of gal, that she puts me to shame {how many mothers do you know who are completely fine going to a foreign country with little ones = FAITH}; and Bradley, my happy-go-lucky, give-you-the-shirt-off-his-back {literally, he would} type of guy. Oh, and then there's me. Me and my personality that's more along the lines of "why isn't plan A going as smoothly as I want," and "um, I'm going to have peanut butter in Cambodia, right?" I'm leaning heavily on my ability to be entertaining with all of my quirks, 'cause that's all I got goin' for me right now. ;o)  Back to transition: it feels as if everything in my life is in transition right now. My home is a construction zone; the parts of my home not under construction are being cleared away bit by bit; my work week is changing every few weeks as my employers ween both me and the boys from one another {insert tears and heartache}; my business {Flirting with Fonts - totally advertising myself} is in the process of a complete makeover, with Wesley giving my website a facelift, and me trying to decide what goes, what stays, what FwF no longer desires to do, etc.; financial situation --> totally changing; and boxes are replacing decorations.

The week after the tickets were purchased, I was doing well with letting go of the many things I cannot control right now, and was focusing on accomplishing what was within my grasp. Then, sitting at dinner, I bit into a tostada, and felt something strange. I was fearful that I'd chipped my front, bottom tooth, but was hoping it was just the texture of the tostada messing with my senses. However, one look in the mirror revealed that I had indeed increased the gap in my bite. For some, this would only be a minor set back, but for someone who has always taken good care of her teeth, I was pretty frustrated. Although my TMJD has altered them, my teeth are naturally straight, and I've been blessed to never deal with cavities. Plus, I'm one of those annoying people who loathes self imperfections. An "A" for someone else is great, but for me, all I see is that it isn't an "A+." The upside to this situation, is that in this far away country, in which I plan to live, they have amazing dental work. Here's hoping my teeth stay in tact until I can let a Cambodian dentist have their way with these sparkling whitish, slightly chipped beauties. Most people who dream about their teeth falling out are dealing with empty nest syndrome or money troubles. Not me. I'm literally worried about my teeth falling out of my head. On that note, I'm going to grab my extremely sexy mouthpiece and head to bed. Praying for a calm spirit and strong teeth.

My Glass is Half Full

Okay, so I'm a little behind my blog-once-a-week goal. It's okay though, I have an excuse: I've been busy. Lame, but true. Last weekend we traveled with our dear friends, Jonathan & Marissa, to Kansas City for a Cambodia presentation. With 3 little ones in the car, I'd prepared myself to make a dozen stops, but they were little champs. We made it to Daniel and Mendel's home in 9 1/2 hours, including stops. Mendel was a gracious hostess, with a clean house and ready beds, and Daniel nicely filled his role as the stomach filler. It's so fascinating to watch couples in their uniqueness. In our home, I'm the doer, and Bradley's the entertainer. Hungry? Tired? Need to know where something is? I've got your back, although I will often forget to ask you the standard, "do you need something to drink?" However, coffee, and most of the talking and laughing will be provided by my jolly hubby. Every household is different though. My MIL is the entertainer (she provides too, but she knows how to tell a story), and my FIL is always concerned you might starve to death under his roof. ;o)  My mom is constantly cleaning and checking on you, in case you might have become hungry since the last time she asked you (3 minutes ago), and my step-dad is ready to entertain you with his latest antique finds. And it goes on and on with the different partnerships working together to care for their guests.

Adam, Davette, and little Foster came over Saturday morning, and we had a lovely time catching up with one another. The guys played ping pong and discussed future plans, while Davette and Mendel educated Missy and I on essential oils. I so enjoy the friendship I have with so many of the Missouri people, and I was so sad I didn't get to spend more time with each one. {sniff, sniff} We were able to hug necks of more friends, Jeff, James, Christy, their little buttercup {her dimples will kill you}, and the list goes on. Then, after the presentation on the work in Cambodia, a sweet couple, Ralph and Kay, drove us to their home in Houston, Missouri. Except for an hour stop for dinner, we spent about 5 hours riding with this couple, getting to know one another. I feel so blessed to have had so many opportunities to encounter a plethora of wonderful people in my short lifetime. I haven't traveled the world, but I've traveled enough to know that God has an amazing creation in us humans. There are people who choose to deny Him, and even those who desire to do harm to others. Yet, I've been honored to come across many more men and women who simply want to wish you well in this life. Ralph and Kay welcomed us into their home, and they found a permanent home in our hearts. As Bradley has lost his grandparents on his fathers' side, he decided that he's adopting this precious couple, and I agree. I think Memaw and Papaw would approve. After a wonderful Sunday morning worship service, we had to say goodbye to our journey companions, and had the privilege of meeting Marty, Jeri, and their son, Caleb. They treated us to lunch before we hit the road, Springfield bound. Somehow, we were again blessed with delightful company. The 2 hour trip flew by as we discussed their daughter's recent wedding, their personal story, and our upcoming adventures in Cambodia. We met our original traveling sidekicks in a Wal-Mart parking lot, where we said our thanks and goodbyes, and began our final journey home. Thankfully, it was an uneventful trip, with shared memories and laughter. The Lord was extremely kind in not only protecting us on the road, but He managed to help us strengthen and create lifelong friendships. Unfortunately, I somehow managed to go the entire weekend with only taking 2 photos.

Gabe tried to stick it out, but he finally gave in to

Uncle Bradley's warm, cushy arm. 

Saying goodbye to Marty and Jeri.

All in all, a blessed weekend which left me excited for the beautiful people and culture in Cambodia. How did I become so "lucky" in this life? That, I don't know, but what I do know, is that I am a better person for every relationship I create. It's incredible that as a loner-type personality, I still recognize and appreciate the power of God's creation depending on one another for love, even if that love is represented by a simple glass of water. Bottoms up!

Marriage in the right key

Sadly, over the past 2 weeks, 3 precious women and a good man have lost their spouses of 30+ years. At moments like this, I always wonder how I will handle it, if I lose Bradley first. I know it's not anyone's favorite topic, but it's on my mind right now. My heart hurts for all of them, and I pray for God's comfort as they grieve. Bradley and I are so grateful for the beautiful examples of perseverance and commitment given by married couples who are dedicated to giving their everything to their partner. As we're all imperfect people, I know perfect marriages don't exist, but when both people are loyal and devoted, a blissful union is attainable. For every faithful marriage, I want to say thank you. All of you loving husbands and respectful wives are an inspiration to me and others. Again, thank you.

Speaking of loving husbands, Bradley, and I had the blessing of spending some time together in San Antonio last week, during the annual TMEA convention. I am thankful for every minute we were hand in hand, as well as the moments of solitude when he was in a session. Between the Springhill Suites gym, free breakfast, and stylish surroundings, I was as happy as a Lark. I was able to exercise, eat, read, and work in ease and comfort, not to mention that the weather was gorgeous! In between sessions, Bradley and I would meet up to visit over a meal. It was pretty fascinating to watch the crowd at the convention. So many different people, but all of them had something in common: music. It made me question my self-proclaimed nerdiness. They have conventions for almost everything you can think of: music, comic books, gaming, technology, etc.  And yet, I couldn't think of anything I'd be interested in enough to go to a convention. Bradley decided I'd go to either a "writer's" convention or a "loner's" convention, but then realized both groups would rather remain in solitude. So, although he tried to comfort me, I am concerned I may not be as much of a nerd as I've always claimed. Surely I am though, between my love of logic puzzles and research for fun... oh, and there's Settlers of Catan.  That gives me some nerd points, right? If you don't know what I'm talking about, I am sorry because you are sorely deprived of vital resources. If you do know the game, then you just laughed at my joke. Thanks.

Back to the convention.

On Friday I had the privilege of joining Bradley in the exhibit hall, and I felt as though I'd walked into another world. So many instruments were being played, all well, but all different tunes; teachers, in small groups, were laughing at corny music jokes; students were enjoying their temporary freedom from rehearsal; and there were rows upon rows of books, full of music education on all levels. We saw a treble cleft and flowing staff printed onto a gaudy gold bag {the type of gold Blanche from "Golden Girls" would wear}, and Bradley pretended to be interested in it for purchase. I laughed, and then commented that his Memaw would have bought it. Simultaneously, we said, "and every time someone would have commented on it, she would have proudly told them, 'well my grandson teaches music...'" I'm delighted that I had the honor of knowing his Memaw before the two of us were even an item. She was another precious widow whom I admire. Another booth we stumbled upon had the tiniest string instruments I've ever seen - photo op!

If your 3 year old decides to play the cello, we

found the perfect one for them. So cute!

Bradley playing the world's smallest violin. Yes, it is real.

If you've heard of San Antonio, you're most likely familiar with the River Walk. This brilliant addition to the city has allowed a busy, crowded area to have a peaceful atmosphere. Our first meal was on the river at the Iron Catcus, and it did not disappoint. Delicious, beautiful, and tranquil. Our steak and queso appetizer was a wonderful welcome, followed by scrumptious shrimp taquitos {home made style, not store bought}, and then we finished with Mexican donuts... yes, that's right, I said M-E-X-I-C-A-N  D-O-N-U-T-S! They were, well, better than they look, and they looked amazing.

 Bradley and I enjoying our queso

 Warming myself while waiting for dessert

Iron Cactus' Mexican donuts - OMTB {oh my taste buds!}

That evening we had planned to have dinner at Boudro's, but as Bradley had a 7 o'clock session approaching, the wait was too long. So, we settled for The Original. It's a decent tex-mex restaurant, and my only disappointment was that I had been looking forward to cajun. It had a fun atmosphere, with Mariachi musicians wondering through. They played a fun song for us, while we enjoyed our fajitas and a yummy virgin mango margarita. {try saying that five times, fast}

Friday's lunch was suggested by Eric, Bradley's co-worker and assistant director, and Paesano's did not disappoint. The location was magnificent. It's funny how construction sounds seem almost musical on the river walk. The way it echoes removes all the irritants, and it becomes a somewhat soothing rhythm. Hmm... I may not be a nerdy musician, but I can sound like one. ;o) The bread, served like an appetizer, was the perfect amount of grain and fluffiness, without compromising flavor. We enjoyed cheese tortellini with spinach, pine nuts, and a creamy pesto sauce - yum! I think I would have preferred it with some grilled shrimp though. The flavor was delicious, but it needed a little more bite to it. Then Bradley's convention badge entitled us to a free dessert > 3 separate scoops of vanilla ice cream rolled in a delectable concoction of cookie crumbs, chocolate bits, and almonds.

Paesano's sign - just lovely!

 View from our table, looking up of course.

 Bradley and Eric having "creative differences."

{Don't worry, they're only posing for fun.}

Aww, they've decided to get along, regardless of

which composer they believe is the best.

All in all, we had a wonderful mini-adventure, and I'm looking forward to the next one. Besides, that's what marriage is, right? A series of adventures, some good, some bad, and all of them with your best friend. Bradley, every adventure with you has been a blessing, and I am excited to see what's ahead. Here's wishing us a bon voyage!

Let it Snow...

I am blessed enough to be sitting in a fairly warm establishment called Panera Bread. I just finished a delicious bowl of mac and cheese, while enjoying the beautiful snowfall outside. Although driving through snow in Texas is not fun, I am still captivated by the peace snow brings to my soul. Watching it fall is similar to watching a fire burn. It's something you may have seen hundreds or even thousands of times, but you're still fascinated, unable to look away. You stare into the wonderful creation before your eyes, striving to focus on a single flake or flame, only to relent, and then mentally drift off with the many thoughts dancing in your head. I find it difficult to stress when I gaze into the cold wonder. As a former Alaskan, the snow is something sentimental for me. The crunch under your boots; the misty gray sky; the innate desire to wrap up and huddle near the fire. Snow is an excuse to behave like a child; to laugh while throwing snowballs or making snowmen; to crave hot chocolate and homemade macaroni and cheese; and to hope for a day off from school, schedules, and stress. Again, snow is peace. I caught a single snowflake on my finger this morning, and was amazed at the incredible detail. Before it quickly melted, I was able to see the tiny ice crystals. The individual formation, unique from every other snowflake falling around me, was nothing less than amazing. God is awesome in His attention to detail with even some of the smallest of His creation. As I waited for my food to be served, I browsed Pinterest for inspiration. A few years ago I would have mentally punished myself for indulging in such a selfish event, but not now. It's snowing, and I am blessed. This past Monday, I partook in a private bible study with some very dear friends. Some of these ladies and I have studied together for over 5 years, and they've grown very precious to me. I have learned so much about God's word, His desire for me, and His obvious love for me, in the blessing of every sister with whom I have studied. Together, we have shared heartaches, struggles, confessions, encouragement, scripture, and peace. These sweet friends helped me to see that "punishing" myself for doing things I enjoy is, well, for lack of a better term, silly. This idea may seem ridiculous to you, but in another life, I'm pretty sure I was one of those monks who beat themselves for simply being alive. {No, I don't believe in reincarnation.} I am simply trying to demonstrate that allowing pleasure without guilt has been a struggle for me. Watching a show was only acceptable if I was sick or doing laundry. I love reading, but until recently, have withheld that pleasure because I couldn't justify the time it took away from household chores. However, I will admit that staring at flames or snow has always been allowed.
I don't know, I'm weird. That's my only explanation for it all.
Thanks to my precious friends, I have been enjoying Pinterest while watching the snow, guilt free. As I searched the plethora of images, it dawned on me that I've actually been more productive since I started allowing myself to relish in little delights like this. I fancy myself a pretty logical thinker, but this "duh" moment is causing me to question my logistic intelligence. I've always understood the saying, "take time to fill your own pitcher, or you'll have nothing left to give to your loved ones", but only recently have I actually been able to apply it to my life. As I contemplate my move to Cambodia, the snow grows even dearer to me. If you are unaware, my understanding is that it doesn't snow in Cambodia. It swelters. It steams. It rains. But, it doesn't snow. So, this may be my last chance to experience winter weather for a few years, and I want to enjoy every minute. Some may be ready for the cold weather to hibernate, and others may simply see snow as a hiccup in the busy work week. But I welcome the cold fluff and the peace it brings to my soul. So, I'll allow the cold to warm my heart, and until spring tucks winter away, I'll continue to plead, "let it snow!"

Establishing a routine

It seems strange after 31 years of life, 15 years of working, and 9 years of marriage to say that I'm establishing a routine... but, here I am. I've tried to prepare myself for the probable fact that I will have to reestablish my routine many times over the next few years. Yet I continue to be "thrown for a loop" when something happens which isn't scribbled in my calendar. When I look back on my life, I can see traces of the Lord molding me for a time when routine would be a relative thing, not a fixed schedule. In case you don't know, I'm a boring, routine, type-a, plan-B-won't-do kind of gal. Fortunately, the Lord has been gracious and ever so patient with me. I still struggle with worthless worry and needless anxiety at times, but if 3 years ago, you told me I was moving to another country in 4 1/2 months, I'd be a wreck. My husband, Bradley, and I dealt with 6 years of infertility, and if it didn't teach us anything else, {which it did}, it taught us patience - to go with the flow. When we were on plan N in our attempt to have children, we thought, "hmm, maybe He's trying to mold us for something." ;o)

{So, back to the routine.} I have been blessed with a nanny position for almost 6 years now, caring for 2 precious little souls, Zach and Max. {These two little boys will forever have my heart, and they are the only reason I was hesitant to move away. More about them later though...} I have worked full-time, M-F for most of my career with their family. This past summer, I lessened my work week to 4 days since I was struggling to keep up with my home business. {Max is a busy little guy who doesn't understand that Brandi cannot play super heroes all day.} So, I began a new routine, and it was quite helpful, not only with my business, but with my housework too. As our desire is to "wean" me from the boys, and visa versa, I'm now home Tuesday and Thursday mornings, while Max is in pre-school. For the past few weeks, I've been in limbo {did I mention that I'm type A?}. Max's school was adjusting their release time weekly, until they were finally staying through lunch this week. Now, I will finally have a set routine: M - home; T/Th - work 1-6; W/F - work 8-6. Aww, that looks so nice and polished.
Very simple. Very orderly. Very boring. Perfection!

This Monday, the first day of my new routine, I spent the entire day painting {pictures coming soon} and refinishing our hallway. I've completed 1/3 of the project, and I hope to be done by the end of next week. This new schedule is also allowing me to feel like I'm catching up on daily house chores, as well as larger household tasks. Since I only had the morning today, I installed a handle on the bathroom door {all by myself, thank you very much!}, and did a little organizing in the black hole, aka my office. I organized children's books, and as I did so, I came across some items Bradley and I had purchased when we were hoping to adopt 2 children a few summers ago. It was bittersweet to see the items, and I nonchalantly thought, "I can go ahead and pack these up since we won't be using them before we move." Then I stopped, slightly stunned. Pack?! Wait, what? Haha... I mean, why would I pack when the move is... whoa.

It's weird how the obvious can still slap you in the face.

Then a sense of relief came over me when I realized that I could actually start packing now. I know, some of you are thinking, "duh, why wouldn't you pack, you knuckle head?" But for those who don't know me well, I sometimes over analyze things. {Assuming you're reading this - stop snickering Krista and Missy!} So, I guess I'll start collecting boxes in order to begin packing.

That will be my routine this coming week: paint; install door knobs; and collect boxes for packing.

And next week? Well, I don't know. I think this is a sign that my routine will be changing somewhat frequently over the upcoming months.

I'll just have to tune in next week to discover which episode life airs.

Yes. I'll do that.

So, I think I'm establishing a routine.

And what is that routine?

It's a routine that is unpredictable; sometimes stressful; and always adventurous.

Yes, I'm establishing a routine, and my routine is called Life.

Bonne nuit!

The List of Many Things...

This past Saturday I helped host a bridal shower for a wonderful friend of mine, Lana. I have a lot of love and respect for her, and I cannot express my excitement for her and her fiancé! So, for the past few weeks, quite a bit of my time and energy has gone into making her day special. I was stressing, thinking, "okay, after the shower I'll concentrate on prepping for Cambodia." {Have I mentioned that I'm moving to Cambodia? Oh, well, yeah, I'm kind of having this huge, life-changing experience happen, and well, I'm occasionally freaking out.} So, whenever anxiety would rear it's ugly head, I was able to talk myself down, knowing my full focus would eventually be on the 500+ things I have on my 'moving out of the country' to-do list. Well, the shower happened. Gifts were opened; tea was sipped; sandwiches and fruit were relished; bonds, new and old, were formed or tightened; and a beautiful bride was loved and celebrated. Finally, I was able to breath, relieved, knowing that my sweet friend now knew a small portion of how much we cherish her and her friendship. Leaving the tea room at the antique mall, I knew that I was ready to handle whatever was ahead of me...tomorrow. I phoned my dearest hubby to request I have the night off, and he responded with pizza (extra cheese, light sauce, and mushrooms - yeah, I can be a little particular) and Sprinkles cupcakes - yummmm!!! We spent the evening with grease, soda, sugar, and a murder mystery. *sigh* Actually, those first two usually make me sick if not administered in low doses, but when I do indulge, how sweet it is! Sunday was church, singing at the nursing home, and then running some needed errands before retiring for the evening. Then Monday came. The day I would begin conquering the many items to be done. Everything went well throughout the day. Many things were accomplished.
But.
Yes, but.
Still, nothing that directly prepares us for Cambodia. AGH! Wesley came over to help me with my website for Flirting with Fonts, but after a lot of confusion and some frustration, we realized I needed an update which required an hour-long download. So, I sent him on his way, with many thanks. Yet another thing that wasn't marked off the list of Many Things. Inside I started panicking, but I was able to brush it off because I still had some painting to do. Yes, that would be something to mark off the list. {Yay!} In case you are unaware, I have this knack for picking "oopsie" paints from the Lowe's mis-tint shelf. Quite a few colors in our home are a result from either an "oopsie" color, or a Brandi creation, using 1 or more "oopsies" with another color we have on hand. I went to work mixing and testing; mixing and testing; pausing to see if Mr. Bates was going to take that nasty comment from Thomas; and then some more mixing and testing. 3 hours and 2 Downton episodes later, I still didn't have the perfect color. Ugh. Bradley arrived home from his rehearsal (he sings in a jazz group - did I mention he's awesome?), and I went to bed feeling defeated as I stared at the invisible list of Many Things. I'm honestly not sure if my anxiety or Bradley's battle with allergies was the culprit for my tossing and turning, but eventually sleep overcame. Besides, there's always tomorrow.... and if there is no tomorrow, then there won't be anything to worry about, right?!