Giving Thanks

As the Thanksgiving holiday concludes on a separate continent, part of me feels like I missed something. With the weather here, I feel as though we are stuck in a perpetual summer, but to see our family snuggled up in sweaters; our friends toasting hot cocoa; pictures of family groups and oodles of food surrounded by fall decor; all of it is a reminder that seasons change, and time marches on. Reflecting on my blessings is always overwhelming. Not because I am lacking, but rather there are so many in abundance. My mind categorizes my blessings, and I want to share some of them with you.

LOVE
My first and greatest blessing is love.

The love from my heavenly Father in His plan of redemption is the greatest, as I know I have done nothing worthy to deserve His gift of salvation. I was raised with the idea that as long as you were not a murderer or child molester, you had a great shot of getting into heaven, although this "heaven" place was very vague and intangible to my young mind, and there was no guarantee this "heaven" even existed. The bible was simply something to read if you were interested, but nothing of importance. (It hurts to say that now.) Then, coming of age, I struggled greatly with the concept of life. Everyone else around me seemed complacent to go through the cycle of school, career, marriage, children, grandchildren, retirement, and then death, but I kept searching for a reason. What was the point in my being here? I could not reconcile life with such a mundane existence. To think that we had no true purpose was devastating to my personality. Maybe you cannot understand why a young mind battles with suicidal thoughts, but I can. Not that all young adults commit suicide for the same reason, but I do remember that internal conflict of no longer wanting to exist. Why feel pain, grief, and disappointment if the final outcome is death with little resolution in the life left behind? The idea of slipping into that place where I would no longer feel the lack of purpose; where I could go ahead and not exist was extremely tempting. Then. Then for some reason I will never understand, I was finally given a reason for everything: God. We all worship something, whether it's knowledge, family, traditions, carved idols, technology, and the list goes on. I am still unable to wrap my brain and heart around the idea that I have the real thing. That my God is the God of the unknown gods. That my entire purpose is for Him. For some that can seem suffocating, but for me, it is enough. Not too much. Not too little. My heavenly Father provides everything I need, even when I do not realize what it is that I truly need. His love through His Word and His Son is my greatest blessing, and one I do not expect to ever fully comprehend. Now pain, grief, suffering all make sense, because it all has a purpose. Happiness, fun, and laughter all mean that much more because I know He is behind it all. If you have not taken the amazing opportunity to open the bible and read it in its fullness, I urge you to do so. Do not let someone else tell you what it says, but relish in getting know your Creator as your Father. He has a purpose for all of His creation. I know my purpose, and thankfully understand what true love is, as defined in 1 Corinthians 13. His love is pure and untainted from the world. His love is sufficient for those who desire Him. His love is my reason for living. As humbly as I can say it, thank you Almightly God and Father for your precious love.

Second, comes the love of a mother. My mom and I have had our differences, as we can both be hard-headed and opinionated, but that does not change my love for her. In the gentlest of terms, I was an unexpected pregnancy, and aside from my mother, I was unwanted. There are no words to express the appreciation I feel for a woman who chose love and life, accepting the greater struggle in keeping me. If it were not for love, I would not be here. Thank you mom.

Third, comes the love of my husband. To have a man who is not only my leader, but my best friend, again, I stand undeserving. In a few weeks we will celebrate 10 years of marriage. We've been through a lot in our short time together, but I would not change a minute of it because it has molded us further into His purpose. He is a man who truly loves me as the Lord loved the church, and I have so many to thank for this incredible man in whom I trust my entire life and heart. Thank you Bradley.

Fourth, my family and friends. So many loved ones come to mind that I cannot begin to name you all. How awesome is that? My bank of loved ones is so numerous, that this post would literally go on for at least 200 paragraphs worth if I was going to mention all of you, and how thankful I am for the difference you have made in my life. Your love is invaluable. Every Skype chat, the personal messages, each email I receive, I am built up by all of you. The beauty of God wanting us to be unified and dependent on one another, in a healthy manner, grows more evident to me each year. My heart grows bigger and fuller with every friendship, and yet there's always room for more loved ones to join. I feel unjust making a blanket statement, but I hope you each feel my sincere love and thanks for each and every one of you. Each of you make up a piece of me, and because of you, I am complete.

LIFE
Life is so beautiful when you focus on the positive.

Laughter is one of my favorite components of life. The giggling of a tickled baby; the hardy chortle of a grey-haired man; the unexpected snort from the shy girl; the cackle of several women sharing tid-bits of harmless banter; the shameless howling chuckles of men as their buddy fails a ridiculous stunt; and the list continues. Late night card games and gospel meetings come to mind. The many friends with whom I have laughed to the point of tears. Watching my aunt literally fall over from laughing so hard. So many precious, wonderful memories are wrapped up in laughter, and I thank God for this beautiful part of life.

Grief is a blessing nestled in tragedy. My losses in death have only been with grandparents, and I therefore know that I have not suffered to the same extent as others. I do know though, that I recognize my blessings in my deceased relatives more than those who are living. It is ironic but true, that as long as we have someone, we can never know how much we appreciate them. Only their full and complete absence reveals their absolute importance to us. I ache for all of my grandparents who have passed, but my Papa and Grandad hold a special place in my heart that is unmatched. Papa was my world as a little girl, and Grandad was one of my best friends as a teenager. These two men helped mold me into who I am today, and I am eternally thankful for their love and influence. Their death hurts, but it is only because of their glorious hearts that I have that ache in mine. Had they not been beautiful in life, their death would yield no grief. I thank God for grief, as it has allowed me to better appreciate life.

Weakness is a diamond in the rough. In the moments when I have comprehended my powerlessness, it is devastating. In those moments, that feeling of having no control over the outcome of my situation was nearly terrifying, and yet now, I am able to take comfort in them. Our plan has always been to be parents. We dreamed of having a few of our own before adopting a few more. Somewhere between 5 and 7 little ones felt right in our hearts, and we knew we had the love to share with that many or more. However, the Lord has had a different plan. I may never fully understand what His plan is, but His allowing my moments of weakness have given me the opportunity to seek His strength. I do not have the power to grant myself children, or even to promise that I will have a tomorrow, but He does. As much as it may hurt at times, I thank God for using my weakness to remind me that He is in control, and that His plan truly is the best.

CONTENTMENT
The state of my physical comfort is determined by my spiritual outlook, and my future's so bright, I gotta wear shades.

Amenities have increased in their value in this foreign land. Having gone without running hot water for 5 months, my hot showers are so much more precious. With an average of 2 to 8 hours without electricity each week, my appreciation of the sparked energy has only grown. My refrigerator that allows me to make less grocery trips, and keep left overs from going bad. The fact that we have never gone without food, whether plentiful, or just enough. Marissa's washer that now lessens the amount of laundry I hand wash. Our moto that enables us to travel into the city for numerous reasons. The A/C unit that now keeps us from waking up in a pile of sweat. Mosquito coils which keep the pests at bay. Our cherished internet that facilitates our relationships with loved ones back home. And the list goes on and on.

We may not have had a traditional Thanksgiving here, but my heart has once again benefited from meditating on my blessings. I cannot conceive why I am so blessed, but as I am, I will constantly give glory where it is due: to the God of everyone and everything for which I am thankful. Saying thanks will never be enough, and I will therefore strive to live my life in a constant state of giving thanks.

The Universal Language of Music

During Bradley's job hunt, he had several interviews. One was with a local music school which has a mission to bring the love and respect of music to the Khmer culture. We were privileged to visit a concert at this school, and it was an odd familiarity to be sitting in a group of strangers, enjoying their children's talent. Although there were several differences, part of me felt like I was back in the cafeteria at Perry Middle School, waiting for Bradley to take the mic. However, Bradley, sitting next to me, was not the MC for the evening. Then there were the small quarters, where roughly 40 of us huddled on couches and make shift chairs, pretending we weren't hot and uncomfortable. The audience and musicians took turns, shifting and scooting in between performances, as the current entertainer climbed over others to take the stage. Another difference I quickly noticed was audience etiquette. Apparently, conversing at nearly any volume is acceptable. As the former audience patrol woman for Bradley's concerts, it was very difficult to ignore the chatter. It was a good lesson in patience, since my American self was struggling with frustration. Thankfully, though, I was able to remind myself that etiquette is a cultural thing, varying from one place and time to the next. That enabled me to better enjoy the entertainment before us.

Guitar is really big here, as most other instruments are too expensive or difficult to find.

Here's a young pianist, with a mere handful of lessons prior to this concert. She was a cutie.

This young lady did a great job playing, but I have to admit to a level of discomfort during this performance. 

Unless I misunderstood, each musician chose the piece they performed. This young lady picked a song with a few explicit lyrics. Nothing horrible or trashy, but not something I would want my young daughter singing. Some may think me prude, but to hear the voice of someone who has yet to reach puberty, singing about making love, is border line creepy. Although I realize that it might simply be a language barrier issue, as her mom was sitting in front of me, beaming with pride. I say that because the majority of the culture here frowns on PDA, and in general, are very conservative with relations before marriage. Bradley and I are often stared down in public, as we're hand holders and huggers... and sometimes we even kiss! I know, I know. Scandalous, but true.

This is one of their new teachers, and he played elegantly! Before this, I had never had the pleasure of hearing a classical guitar live. His talent had all of the young ladies swooning and giggling.

She blew me away. Although her accent is still pretty thick, she had only 1 or 2 lessons before this show. WOW. She sang "Counting Stars" by One Republic, and she nailed it.

This young man played beautifully. His violin was the only classical stringed instrument (non-guitar) represented.

Unlike the other musicians, this young gentleman had to be led to his place, as he is blind. In this culture, without any kind of government assistance, people with special needs must rely on others. As adults, they lean on a specific skill for any kind of income. The most beautiful music I have had the privilege of hearing here is from the blind men and women who walk the streets, led by a companion, as they play a traditional Khmer stringed instrument. This is how they make their living, or at least part of it, as they accept donations for their playing. I have also seen massage parlors where all of the masseuses are blind. I love that there are those who are helping people with special needs overcome a life of poverty and begging, as that would, otherwise, be their only option in this country.

Very talented young man. He took a few lessons from the school, but then had to quit, due to funds. The school still allows him to come practice though, and it was obvious as he strummed his guitar...

...and then tickled the ivories. 

Traditional Khmer music has a different sound and feel from what we're accustomed to as Westerners. Because of this difference, most of the people here struggle with the execution of most English songs, but this gentleman is an exception. His natural talent was evident, and I hope he continues to hone his God-given skills. It was a joy to partake in this intimate showcase of varied talents. We felt a camaraderie with the teachers, performers, and fellow audience members, as we all shared the peace that can be found in music. Some of the pieces were moving, reaching into your core, plucking your heart strings. Some were sweet, with adorable little hands, trembling under the rush of their first concert. Some were fun, turning you into a toe-tapping, bouncing fool, resisting the urge to jump up and sing along. With the inadvertent communication wall between us and the people here, it was a relief to sit with fellow humans, all of us relishing in the universal language of music.